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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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DerickJerome said...
Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:47 am
WOW!!!!!!!! This is really good . . Keep it up . And if you get a chance check out my poem "Only in Fairy Tales"
 
SoImAWriterNow said...
Jul. 29, 2013 at 5:57 pm
This comment probably won't mean much since you have over 1,000 but I just had to say that this poem left me stunned. I don't know why though. I loved the rhyming in it and the flow but the ending struck me so hard. That's how I know a poem's great. When it leaves my mind reeling and me speechless. You deserved to have this published. Great job :)
 
Scarlett.Blazing said...
Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:21 am
wow... i really enjoyed your work! its a very stylish way to get across what your saying and i enjoyed it :)
 
catwithglasses said...
Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:59 pm
I really like this. It shows what it feels like to be imprisoned and chained in sort of a subtle way.
 
ss.Heart said...
Jul. 22, 2013 at 11:12 pm
Felling bound and chained is a terrible feeling and your poem personified this! Please read my work and let me know what you think :) -Sylvia Silverheart
 
Bluetooth13 said...
Jul. 17, 2013 at 3:09 pm
Good job! :) check out my work@
 
Cierra Smiley said...
Jul. 13, 2013 at 9:49 am
STATEN ISLAND WOO!! I just had to do that lol. Beautifu poem
 
Quratulain said...
Jul. 12, 2013 at 12:57 pm
You really write well.Loved it !
 
Jay-Wolf said...
Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:58 pm
Dude you did great, also i just joined so it would be great if you could check out some of my               (finnaly added) poems and give some feed back
 
paigeswifka This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2013 at 4:22 pm
This is an incredible piece. The way that the narrator spoke from an almost child-like point of view really helped to show the theme that you were aiming to send your readers. The innocent voice used really helped to tie the poem together.
 
juneday said...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 3:22 pm
Love the first stanza - in the second and third, I feel like the rhymes are really forced and don't make sense. "Birdie?" But I also like the last stanza. Overall, great theme - maybe edit a little more.
 
LittleMissLostInParadise replied...
Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:24 pm
The term "birdie" is reffering to golf, a score in which the ball is hit into the hole using one stroke fewer than the accepted standard number of strokes par for that hole.
 
StarGazer9This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 21, 2013 at 3:37 pm
Ya sure, but in this poem "birdie" is reffered to as an actual bird. When he saw the bird it made him want to fly. Makes sense to me!
 
MoonNymph775 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 22, 2013 at 10:20 am
Love the ending! 
 
ScarletBluez said...
Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:15 pm
I really love the simplistic tone conveying childhood naivety yet the topic in question is so deep.It is very well written, a truly beautiful poem, and I can relate to it so well. Thank you for your lovely piece, keep writing :)
 
chocolatina This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 4:24 pm
it stinks to have those kind of parents
 
FallenoutofgraceThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 9, 2013 at 11:01 am
I like your work alot, i was expecting i different type of poem by reading the title but once i finished it i was amazed how different it was way to go
 
Beatles said...
May 31, 2013 at 3:57 am
This poem would make realllly great lyrics for a rap :D if only Eminem reads this... :p 
Keep your fingers crossed! ;) :)
 
dragonfly95 said...
May 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm
wow, I really liked this. It kind of made me choke up. well done. 
 
TeaForOne said...
May 25, 2013 at 11:31 pm
I really enjoyed this! Thanks for sharing it!!
 
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