Apartment Girl | Teen Ink

Apartment Girl

August 26, 2009
By beautifulpeople SILVER, Houston, Texas
beautifulpeople SILVER, Houston, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what you want to do but be ready for the consequences."

My date walked me up my apartment stairs. He was saying something about a great night, I don’t know. I was tuning him out, thinking about a nice warm bath with lilac-smelling bubbles. It was rude to do that, trust me I know. But he was boring.
“So I really enjoyed your company. And I had a great night. I thought the movie was good. And the food tasted really good.” Blah, blah, blah. I tried not to roll my eyes. Every guy has said the same thing.
“Oh yeah, me too. You are so funny!” I smiled and touched his arm, trying to be nice but this guy was a pain. Sure he could make me laugh but that’s not exactly hard to do. A lamp can make me laugh. The smile didn’t reach my eyes, I could feel it. He takes my hand. It was sweaty and gross. I sound like a total brat. Gosh, someone should seriously slap me. I mean the guys nice but if I stopped liking him in the middle of the date that’s bad, right? A second date wouldn’t go very well. We stop at the top of the stairs and he leans forward, waiting for a kiss. I give him a quick peck, say bye, and walk into my apartment building.
“Another date, Ms. Kristabel?” The front desk guy asks me. He always sees me with different men. I’m not a slut, though. Just a girl looking for love.
“Yes, but this one didn’t go well either. Personally, I don’t think there’s a guy out there for me. I’ve dated almost every freakin’ fish in the sea.” I sigh and push the button for the elevator. This apartment strikes me as interesting. Their front entrance looks so grand, I mean the floors actually look like real marble and the maroon walls and fancy couches add zest to the place. They have three floors that go up, and three floors that go down. I just think that’s so cool.
“Well, Ms. Kristabel there’s always someone out there. Just don’t give up.” I look back at him and pray with my eyes that he is right. He just smiles and nods his head at me, while the doors slide open. I walk in and press 2D so I can go two floors down away from the guy that I almost fell for. The memory pops into my head. When I first moved here, he was working there. The desk guy was stunningly handsome. Sharp cheek bones, a prominent jaw, black wavy hair, and these brown eyes that melted you when you looked into them, no matter how cold your heart was.
I was holding a box full of my crap when he caught my gaze, and perhaps my feet because the next thing I know I went skidding onto the floor and my crap fell out. His deep chuckle came from beside me as he started picking up the clothes. Bras, panties, you name it, it was on that floor. I get off the elevator and amble over to my door, number 52.

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This article has 114 comments.

on Jan. 19 2010 at 5:00 pm
wow! really interesting. hope Ms. Kristabel finds love. :)

on Dec. 30 2009 at 1:19 pm
butnothing14 BRONZE, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
The Book Is Better!

i didn't really get the point of it, at first i thought you were going to talk about your love life and how you can't find anyone, but then you went to the doorman person, i think that you should just go for one, don't have the two situations there, it just doesn't flow at all

on Dec. 30 2009 at 10:20 am
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

I thought it was ok. Ur writing: great. Story: not so much.

on Dec. 30 2009 at 1:23 am
catik111 SILVER, Des Moines, Iowa
7 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"After all, we are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal." Francis Underwood (Kevin Spacey), House of Cards

I know you have a lot of comment, so i'll keep this short. I really liked it, but it's missing something. Read over it and add something, it's like, almost perfect. Thnx-Cati

on Dec. 8 2009 at 4:23 pm
BeautifulSimplicity BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
We keep it light, until it's time to go dark. Then we go pitch black.

ummmm that was kind of harsh, don’t you think. I think the story was great, no one on here is a professional yet, and who r u to judge? If u didn’t like it just rate it and leave. I thought it was great and her stories are much better than mine (and u kind of wrote like u know everything. well u don’t, no one does) Oh, and this is really overused “I’m not a mean person”, yeah you are and I’m just a person how speaks my mind!

on Nov. 19 2009 at 5:21 pm
Maddie Hearn SILVER, Lake Oswego, Oregon
6 articles 0 photos 14 comments
I was just trying to help your writing not hinder it. And again you go with the overused sayings "...If you don't have something nice to say don't say it at all..." If everyone were to just say "it's great" that wouldn't help you, why should I lie? I thought your story was fine, just that somethings were a little cliche, or overused. If you like them, you can use them. I'm not a mean person, just a tough editor. I'm sorry if my comments hurt you I will refrain from saying anymore about your work.

on Nov. 16 2009 at 4:59 pm
Maddie Hearn SILVER, Lake Oswego, Oregon
6 articles 0 photos 14 comments
I felt as though, "she tripping, and spilling out the revealing contents of her luggage" was a little cliche. We see this scene too often in movies and I believe it is over used if not used properly. The plot is interesting, but not breathtaking. I advise you enhance it's quality with some sort of twist. I feel like I can predict what will happen, and a reader will not want to read on if they feel this way. I hope my comment does not discourage you from writing more, but encourages you to add someting that will keep the reader riveted in their chair.

on Oct. 25 2009 at 4:45 pm
writingrox BRONZE, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." (Albus Dumbledore)

Is there a part 2? Please write one!!!

on Oct. 23 2009 at 11:14 pm
VampireLover88, Kankakee, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed try again"

please write more it was fantastic!

on Oct. 19 2009 at 7:19 pm
BriarRose PLATINUM, Seneca, Illinois
24 articles 7 photos 161 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't need a rose. I want a daisy you picked for my hair. I don't want some fancy box of chocolate. I want a pink frosting cookie you made just for me. Lets skip the upscale restaraunt and have a picnic in the park.

Wow, more please! this is great but a little unfinished

on Sep. 26 2009 at 7:23 am
EHunt96 PLATINUM, Swampscott, Massachusetts
32 articles 0 photos 215 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about."

I can't wait to read more of your fantastic writing!!!!

on Sep. 22 2009 at 7:23 pm
MaralieMidnight GOLD, Ottawa, Other
12 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Ooh, very nice. I like the wayyou brought out Kristabel's personality.

Awesome story, I actually wanted more :)

on Sep. 22 2009 at 5:43 pm
awesomeaugust GOLD, Boston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 176 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground"
~Theordore Roosevelt

I agree: you're a talented writer but I definitley don't think this story is finished. Keep writing!

Jaquie BRONZE said...
on Sep. 10 2009 at 5:12 pm
Jaquie BRONZE, West Palm Beach, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 407 comments

Favorite Quote:
This is certainly one of my favorites: "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." -2 Samuel 6:22

Ummm... More? Please? I really enjoyed this. You're a very talented author. Post again soon.

God bless,