Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Carl Haynes, Staten Island, NY

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

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This article has 2151 comments.

Neko said...
on Oct. 15 2008 at 3:23 pm
Personally, the word choice (Birdie) made it seem ,to me, like a children's poem. I also suggest capitalizing the I's and the beginning letter of each line, grammmer is an important part of peotry as well, not just the rhymes.

katierosee said...
on Oct. 15 2008 at 3:23 am
this is really amazing. i can tell u put a lot of work into it. i just hope i can write half as well as u one day.

c.c. said...
on Oct. 14 2008 at 11:08 pm
hey guys,

Just checked my email...recived a lot from Teen Ink. Thanks for your comments, both good and bad. If you have poems you want me to respond to, let me know. I'm in college, so I know how to give good feedback. Leave your links in the comments box like Courtney Renee did. Enjoy life, keep writing, peace. =P

katcullen said...
on Oct. 14 2008 at 1:49 pm
WOW that is really really good.. reminds me of me and my dad

Mona said...
on Oct. 14 2008 at 2:43 am
This poem is really remarkable, I think it's unique in its own way.I really feel connected to this poem.

chelsie said...
on Oct. 13 2008 at 9:47 pm
I love this poem!

nonelse said...
on Oct. 13 2008 at 1:22 pm
i really liked this poem, but i didn't really like that part about being bound..i didn't really get it....

on Oct. 13 2008 at 4:50 am
um some parts of this poem were really the line about the birdie. i think you're trying too hard to make it sound good and it doesnt really flow. but obviously other people enjoy i dunno i just really get nothing from it

halfemoonie said...
on Oct. 12 2008 at 4:23 am
All I have to say is that it lacks a certain quality. I love a poem that is wrapped in confusing metaphors and extreme similes.

on Oct. 10 2008 at 2:32 pm
i second taropig

jimmydean09 said...
on Oct. 9 2008 at 3:29 am
This poem isn't good in my opinion. I tried to visualize what you were going for here, but honestly it seems like you were trying to input some shock value that just wasn't there. It might be a metaphor for something larger, but if so, it was poorly constructed. You had a good idea. Try again but don't put so much effort into making it something it's not.

TaroPig said...
on Oct. 9 2008 at 12:08 am
I really don't think this is that great of a poem. Frankly, it could use a little more work in the wording choice. I liked how I could [barely] connect to it, but it just didn't... uh, appeal to me. Don't slash me or anything, I'm just stating my opinion.

on Oct. 8 2008 at 5:53 pm
Wow, I'm so impressed. I loved the last bit, about being bound. Thats so amazing, this really speaks to me. Keep it up!

Jenu said...
on Oct. 8 2008 at 1:53 am
This is, as everyone else has said, a really beautiful poem. However, what everyone else has not said, I am truly sorry for the experience that led to this poem. Please understand that you can fly, this poem is your chance. Good luck and God bless.

on Oct. 7 2008 at 9:16 pm
wow, that poem says a lot. its truely awesome. these people were right in choosing you to go in their magazine. try sending your stuff other places and it probably will get published. i wish luck to you...

loveandhate said...
on Oct. 7 2008 at 4:41 pm
i love this poem

on Oct. 6 2008 at 10:29 pm
Dude, that totally kicks butt. Its a total piece of something of you, and and its really amazing how you can share it with the world and they can get their own piece of it. kudos, man. you rock.

Cierra H. said...
on Oct. 5 2008 at 5:49 pm
Wow, you are very VERY good I wish my poems could sound as beautiful and meaningful as yours. It comes straight from the heart, and it so breathtakingly described. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. You deserve to be #1, and published to even greater things. Strive higher, your work is worth it.

Gabby said...
on Oct. 4 2008 at 6:21 pm
This is AMAZING! it is so powerful.

Pocketnerd said...
on Oct. 4 2008 at 6:10 pm
Cool, Carl!!!! Keep doing what you are doing, because your writing really speaks to people.