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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2181 comments.
Em.Dog.95 said...
on Jan. 25 2009 at 2:41 am
Wow. that's beautiful
irishpride. said...
on Jan. 23 2009 at 1:11 am
Wow, this was a beautiful poem. I read it over a few times, it's very nice. :]
babygirl792 said...
on Jan. 21 2009 at 8:18 pm
I love this poem..its really nice..u r very talented
angelalynn said...
on Jan. 21 2009 at 1:10 am
Wow! that was really great, your very talented
The Otherworldlies said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 9:59 pm
Wonderful piece, Carl. Since I have ADHD, my mind sometimes refuses to stay rapt when in class, or reading-- But this poem captivated my attention. It was great. I'd like to also note that I absolutely adored your use of slant rhyme. -Ally
aaron said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 8:10 pm
maylin said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 8:07 pm
Carl I enjoyed the poem. I especially loved the ending, "then i knew that i was bound." the ending delivers the final punch, and the whole poem prepares one for this powerful and revealing ending.
Jim R. said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 7:49 pm
Great poem carl. Some people are just mad because their poem isn't number one. Trust me, you won't get any meaningful criticism on here. only a bunch of haterz..
check out my fictional piece: TeenInk.com/Fiction/article/16690/Dreams/
check out my fictional piece: TeenInk.com/Fiction/article/16690/Dreams/
c.c. said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 7:06 pm
oruga101,
No, I'm not cocky. I'm simple human! I know I have a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I will not sit quietly by and let anymore take away from my success! By the way, good isn't the best or the greatest! Don't confused arrogance with confidence.
Now can we please just talk about POETRY!
No, I'm not cocky. I'm simple human! I know I have a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I will not sit quietly by and let anymore take away from my success! By the way, good isn't the best or the greatest! Don't confused arrogance with confidence.
Now can we please just talk about POETRY!
oruga101 said...
on Jan. 20 2009 at 4:31 am
Carl:
"And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! I’m a good poet and a good human being. "
All I have to say is WOW. Now I understand why your writing ability is where it is! It's because you let yourself become cocky. Once you decide you are good, you become the worst. It's a good lesson.
Your poem wasn't bad, but you should never decide that you are a good poet.
You still have a lot of work to do and I suggest taking some sort of creative writing class; it helped me improve dramatically.
Best of wishes on a bright future!
"And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! I’m a good poet and a good human being. "
All I have to say is WOW. Now I understand why your writing ability is where it is! It's because you let yourself become cocky. Once you decide you are good, you become the worst. It's a good lesson.
Your poem wasn't bad, but you should never decide that you are a good poet.
You still have a lot of work to do and I suggest taking some sort of creative writing class; it helped me improve dramatically.
Best of wishes on a bright future!
Josephine Demme said...
on Jan. 19 2009 at 1:37 pm
Carl, that was AMAZING! it was beautifully written and worded! wow
poetess123 said...
on Jan. 18 2009 at 3:10 pm
Hey R. Gallagher you can back off now. Just because you may be envious doesn't mean that you can go around knocking other people's work.
And, Carl, that poem was lovely, almost lyrical. Keep it up, and consider it as a career!
And, Carl, that poem was lovely, almost lyrical. Keep it up, and consider it as a career!
melinda13 said...
on Jan. 17 2009 at 11:56 pm
Carl,
don't listen to the people's criticism. you did a great job of writing the poem, better than i could ever write one. my dream is to actually write a poem that's meaningful and that actually makes sense. great job again!
melinda13
don't listen to the people's criticism. you did a great job of writing the poem, better than i could ever write one. my dream is to actually write a poem that's meaningful and that actually makes sense. great job again!
melinda13
marymoocow said...
on Jan. 17 2009 at 4:22 pm
Wow. That was amazing!I like the emotion in it. You expressed it really well. But, as a reader, am i suppose to think that your dad is protecting you from failing or keeping you from trying?
Jaejae said...
on Jan. 16 2009 at 2:06 am
This is really amazing. I love how at first you put the idea of your earthly father and how he wouldnt let you, but made it in context with your heavenly Father and how he let you go try.
Great work!
Great work!
Mickey said...
on Jan. 15 2009 at 4:54 pm
I love the poem.I think you did a great job.
c.c. said...
on Jan. 14 2009 at 8:11 pm
Hi RGallagher,
Can we skip the drama please and get back to talking about poetry? Do you have a poem I can read?
P.S. Reread how many times I commented. I wasn’t putting anybody down! If you actually read what I wrote, you’d see that I have no problem with criticism, as long as your argument is developed and can sustain itself. And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! And I’ll take the cokkie—I’m a good poet and a good human being. I specifically sent this poem to Teen Ink because of its content, and I refuse to send anything “mature”, as you put it, because this is Teen Ink…and all the bickering and lack of literary criticism proves my point. Now here’s where you get all upset—wait! What I’m actually saying is that this is a community intended for teens, and it’s a pretty great one, but one in which, I (and maybe even you) am no longer academically challenged in. Point blank, I’m growing up, as do we all.
Can we skip the drama please and get back to talking about poetry? Do you have a poem I can read?
P.S. Reread how many times I commented. I wasn’t putting anybody down! If you actually read what I wrote, you’d see that I have no problem with criticism, as long as your argument is developed and can sustain itself. And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah blah blah blah blah—so yea, I think I know what I’m doing! And I’ll take the cokkie—I’m a good poet and a good human being. I specifically sent this poem to Teen Ink because of its content, and I refuse to send anything “mature”, as you put it, because this is Teen Ink…and all the bickering and lack of literary criticism proves my point. Now here’s where you get all upset—wait! What I’m actually saying is that this is a community intended for teens, and it’s a pretty great one, but one in which, I (and maybe even you) am no longer academically challenged in. Point blank, I’m growing up, as do we all.
RGallagher said...
on Jan. 14 2009 at 4:56 am
"I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine—so I think I know what I’m doing!"
If you're so well "educated", I would expect your writing to be of a much higher quality. It should have more depth and be more thought out. And the writer should be more mature. Instead of putting down every person who tells you something that they don't like, maybe you should listen to them. When you start hearing the same things repeated over and over by different people, maybe you should listen to what they say. People aren't on here just to say "you suck." and move on, we're telling you what we didn't like and everything in hopes that you'll use the feedback to improve your writings. Don't walk in here acting all arrogant and put down every person who gives you negative feedback. If you don't want people telling you that they honestly didn't like something, I suggest you not show your writings to other people.
Many people have said that they don't like the grammar, the style, the rhyme, etc. Maybe you should listen to them. If that many people think something is wrong, something might actually be wrong.
Don't walk around acting like you're better than everyone who is giving you feedback. Woohoo you're a junior, woohoo you work on a lit mag. Want a cookie? That doesn't make you any better than us. I too am a college student and I too have worked on lit mags. For all you know any of these writers leaving you feedback could've graduated college have masters degrees and be publish in tons of magazines. You don't want us to assume things about you and your writing? Then don't assume you're better than us.
If you're so well "educated", I would expect your writing to be of a much higher quality. It should have more depth and be more thought out. And the writer should be more mature. Instead of putting down every person who tells you something that they don't like, maybe you should listen to them. When you start hearing the same things repeated over and over by different people, maybe you should listen to what they say. People aren't on here just to say "you suck." and move on, we're telling you what we didn't like and everything in hopes that you'll use the feedback to improve your writings. Don't walk in here acting all arrogant and put down every person who gives you negative feedback. If you don't want people telling you that they honestly didn't like something, I suggest you not show your writings to other people.
Many people have said that they don't like the grammar, the style, the rhyme, etc. Maybe you should listen to them. If that many people think something is wrong, something might actually be wrong.
Don't walk around acting like you're better than everyone who is giving you feedback. Woohoo you're a junior, woohoo you work on a lit mag. Want a cookie? That doesn't make you any better than us. I too am a college student and I too have worked on lit mags. For all you know any of these writers leaving you feedback could've graduated college have masters degrees and be publish in tons of magazines. You don't want us to assume things about you and your writing? Then don't assume you're better than us.
FireFallon said...
on Jan. 14 2009 at 4:29 am
Okay I get what you are saying. It just seemed unintentional, lazy typing was the first thing that popped in to my mind. And you are right I did speak as if I knew the author/speaker and in the future I shall try to be more clear about my personal opinions. But can I ask you a question? Can you explain to me why things aren't capitalized I just don't understand why they aren't. And another thing relax you're still (or were recently) a teenager yourself. :) I must admit you are more accomplished than me but based on what you said before we're a lot closer in age than you realize. As for the poems, oh dear. I have four up...they were, how do I say this politely, submitted against my better judgment and are very...I can't find the word I'm looking for but...yeah. Nevertheless, here are the links, I look forward to your feedback. By the way I'm insanely jealous that you are almost done with college, I'm finding myself hating it and I'm not even done with my first year.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73993/For-Christian/ <--- I'm sickened by that one...still kind of bitter about that break up.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73986/Blindsided-By-Betrayal/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73987/Coming-To-Terms/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73988/Failing-Fate/
Just FYI I know some of these are emo sounding or overly emotional in other ways but strong emotions tend to bring out my writing.
And as a literary mag person I strongly suggest you check out nanowrimo.org its pretty cool. Our chatroom is pretty awesome too.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73993/For-Christian/ <--- I'm sickened by that one...still kind of bitter about that break up.
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73986/Blindsided-By-Betrayal/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73987/Coming-To-Terms/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/73988/Failing-Fate/
Just FYI I know some of these are emo sounding or overly emotional in other ways but strong emotions tend to bring out my writing.
And as a literary mag person I strongly suggest you check out nanowrimo.org its pretty cool. Our chatroom is pretty awesome too.
Infidus said...
on Jan. 14 2009 at 1:46 am
The concept was beautiful, well explained and understood. I love the uniqueness of it's form.
