Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Carl Haynes, Staten Island, NY

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

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This article has 2147 comments.

BWI said...
on Nov. 11 2008 at 7:04 pm
Hmm...some of these lines don't make any sense. Introducing a "birdie" in the poem and not developing it leaves that line sort of hanging on a tangent. The rhythm is also very irregular so that its almost jerky, with a smooth end rhyme to lines that rhyme but do not coincide. However, the ideas behind the poem, and the imagery of a father and son and the chain yanking at the end, are well developed. In other words, its ok.

Inksplurt said...
on Nov. 8 2008 at 8:21 pm
I like the poem. I'm curious, though. When I write, what I write is'nt based of feelings I'm feeling, but on what I think I'm witnessing. Are u doing the same thing, or is this actually about Father?

swingin me! said...
on Nov. 8 2008 at 7:12 pm
i dont think this poem deserves the top spot! you must have a lot of friends voting for you because this poem really isnt very good.

R.Sophie.J said...
on Nov. 7 2008 at 6:59 pm
That was truly beautiful. I understood your message and i think you have a wonderful talent. The rhythmn is fantastic, well paced and beautifully deliberate. Thanks for sharing x

Stormybear said...
on Nov. 7 2008 at 3:42 pm
This poem is very understandable and as I read it I couldn't help but feel for him

knot said...
on Nov. 7 2008 at 1:42 am
um... I'm fairly sure this isn't about a father, in the paternal sense. It's about God, and the feeling of being bound to earth. or I'm reading this totally wrong. i guess people find their own meanings in what the read.

wonkerz said...
on Nov. 6 2008 at 9:30 pm
well it was ok but a bit disturbing

bee booop said...
on Nov. 6 2008 at 9:04 pm
this so totally made ALOT of sense to me and you should keep writing i am encouraging you

why said...
on Nov. 5 2008 at 10:29 pm
why has this poem been #1 for so long? just wondering, is there a glitch in the system?

Lynn Lyn said...
on Nov. 4 2008 at 7:37 pm
This is a great poem. It really relates to a lot of teenager's relationships with their parents and even teachers sometimes that hold a kid back when they could do more. I love it, keep up the good work!

haleyann10 said...
on Oct. 28 2008 at 11:06 pm
cool pome:)

on Oct. 28 2008 at 4:52 pm
it was wonderful and passionate. i believe the feeling of bondage from all parents is sad and terribly true. the poem was great you have beautiful talent

on Oct. 28 2008 at 2:34 am
One more thing I thought I'd add. Personally, I really like rhyming poetry, as well as free formed. Sure, the words may not be extremely complex but I think that helps it to appeal to a wider range in age. Plus the subject of this poem is a son which makes me think it's anywhere from a kid to a young adult and the reader should try to put it in their perspective or whatever suits them best. It was most likely based off personal experience I'm guessing and even if the reader hasn't been in the situation, they can still put themselves in the writers place. I'm a fifteen year old girl and I could still connect with it. Even though in my mind I saw a young boy, I still understood the concept and what emotions were being portrayed.

on Oct. 28 2008 at 2:09 am
This is a very unique idea and I was shocked at how much I enjoyed it. There was good imagery and metaphors. How I pictured it was- a boy walking out on an outcropping of rocks, salt scented wind rushing in his face as he looks out over the ocean wishing to explore the world and to know more than just the walls he's confined to, but he's pulled away by his dad who's afraid to let him go.

kubooki123 said...
on Oct. 27 2008 at 4:12 pm
I thought your poem was really good and keep up the good work

addison said...
on Oct. 27 2008 at 2:01 pm
i really enjoyed this poem. It gave me a good picture in my head; and i think that they did a good job with the rhyming.

SunshineGirl said...
on Oct. 25 2008 at 11:45 pm
i think this is a good poem, well written, and i like how you put random lines into it, like the line about the birdie. well done!! keep it up Carl!!

artist@work said...
on Oct. 25 2008 at 11:34 pm
This is a wanderful poem. You should write more......just to grasp the subject i suppose your dad is holding you back?

hana_cali said...
on Oct. 25 2008 at 6:31 pm
this is a really great poem. I think that I like it so much because it is unrefined and imperfect, but clearly show one consistent feeling. It's not over worked with metaphors, and it deals with a relevant topic. great work! Here are links to my poems- any honest feedback is greatly appreciated

on Oct. 24 2008 at 6:37 pm
I really like this poam it really means alot nut please treasure your father while you because my father died when I was only 2 months I miss a whish I had a chance 2 b with him Think about it

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