Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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ClaireBear722 said...
Oct. 20, 2008 at 3:04 pm
This is soo good girl
Amertie said...
Oct. 19, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I love the idea. The only problem I had was the rhyming feels awkward at some points. I think that, if your choices are forced rhyming and no rhyming whatsoever, it's better to go without rhyming. But overall, this is really nice.
Tess Brooks said...
Oct. 19, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Totally loved your poem, and the title. Makes me feel like I'm not the only person in the world trying to break free from Daddy's bonds. Keep writing.
Tess Brooks said...
Oct. 18, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I dunno why people say they don't like this poem, 'cause it rocks. Some people will say I'm just happy and diluted and i think everything in the world is good and pure, 'cause,you know, I'm only 11. This poem kinda reminds my of a poem of my own, Farwell Daytime Prison. But 'cause I'm 11 I've got to wate another 2 years 2 submit it to teen ink, so see ya then.
cool_scorpio said...
Oct. 17, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Well i agree with some...the birdie thing was a little silly... and the whole thing just didn't flow.. it sounded a bit fake...and the whole thing just stretched so much... this is just my opinion... i am sorry but i just don't see anything in this poem
VanillaRose said...
Oct. 16, 2008 at 2:02 pm
honestly..i did not like this poem as such, i found it rather disturbing and even so poorly expressed.Sorry if im being a little too harsh , it's just my opinion.=D
nickki_nick said...
Oct. 15, 2008 at 7:00 pm
i believe ur poem is totally dude cause of how i could imagain how u was feeling when u wrote it thats how awsome it was
Neko said...
Oct. 15, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Personally, the word choice (Birdie) made it seem ,to me, like a children's poem. I also suggest capitalizing the I's and the beginning letter of each line, grammmer is an important part of peotry as well, not just the rhymes.
katierosee said...
Oct. 15, 2008 at 3:23 am
this is really amazing. i can tell u put a lot of work into it. i just hope i can write half as well as u one day.
c.c. said...
Oct. 14, 2008 at 11:08 pm
hey guys,
Just checked my email...recived a lot from Teen Ink. Thanks for your comments, both good and bad. If you have poems you want me to respond to, let me know. I'm in college, so I know how to give good feedback. Leave your links in the comments box like Courtney Renee did. Enjoy life, keep writing, peace. =P
katcullen said...
Oct. 14, 2008 at 1:49 pm
WOW that is really really good.. reminds me of me and my dad
nonelse said...
Oct. 13, 2008 at 1:22 pm
i really liked this poem, but i didn't really like that part about being bound..i didn't really get it....
blowwnawaytoday said...
Oct. 13, 2008 at 4:50 am
um some parts of this poem were really the line about the birdie. i think you're trying too hard to make it sound good and it doesnt really flow. but obviously other people enjoy i dunno i just really get nothing from it
halfemoonie said...
Oct. 12, 2008 at 4:23 am
All I have to say is that it lacks a certain quality. I love a poem that is wrapped in confusing metaphors and extreme similes.
chelsie said...
Oct. 13, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I love this poem!
tearsofravens said...
Oct. 10, 2008 at 2:32 pm
i second taropig
Mona said...
Oct. 14, 2008 at 2:43 am
This poem is really remarkable, I think it's unique in its own way.I really feel connected to this poem.
jimmydean09 said...
Oct. 9, 2008 at 3:29 am
This poem isn't good in my opinion. I tried to visualize what you were going for here, but honestly it seems like you were trying to input some shock value that just wasn't there. It might be a metaphor for something larger, but if so, it was poorly constructed. You had a good idea. Try again but don't put so much effort into making it something it's not.
drew replied...
Feb. 1, 2012 at 10:59 am
+1 The message of the poem is really unclear....the resolution is the father binding you again? Just...weird =P
TaroPig said...
Oct. 9, 2008 at 12:08 am
I really don't think this is that great of a poem. Frankly, it could use a little more work in the wording choice. I liked how I could [barely] connect to it, but it just didn't... uh, appeal to me. Don't slash me or anything, I'm just stating my opinion.
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