I really like the natural flow of this piece as well. Your poem reads like someone speaking, which is nice. I do have a couple of suggestions, though. I'm not sure if "flawless" is a fitting adjective for the candle. You have "bold" and "gorgeous"... Is there another word that could also be ascribed to a person? I would also suggest the following change in line breaks: "And stayed with you/ In all your perfection forever." It just reads more naturally to keep prepositional phrases together. Additionally, I would suggest writing "But your lightning ceased" rather than "you ceased your rain?" That would fit with the dimming of light/burning out.