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Runner

October 10, 2013
By Honour SILVER, New London, Connecticut
More by this author
Honour SILVER, New London, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 181 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. ~John 15:13

"Give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery" ~ Thomas Jefferson

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Running down the street
Concrete pounding 'gainst my feet
Lungs burnin'
Legs hurtin'
Running to the beat
Sweat drippin' in the heat
Heart poundin' in my chest
Never want to rest
Run, run, run

© Lauren J., Phoenix, AZ

The author's comments:
This is my first poetry attempt, please be nice, but criticize if there's something you see could be made better.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 5 comments.

RoyalCorona SILVER said...
on Jan. 12 2014 at 2:02 pm
RoyalCorona SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 290 comments

Favorite Quote:
All of us fave failed to match our dream of perfection. I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. -William Faulkner

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I think that this poem was really nice and flowed very well. It was quick also and I likes that especially since it was about running. I thought that it tied very well together so good job!
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 12 2014 at 11:57 am
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

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This is good. I like it. The flow is nice and you can catch it quickly (some poems are hard to find the rythm). I agree with guardianofthestars that there could be more variety in the ryhmes. But I like it. When I read it I could almost feel myself running (even though I loathe running haha) Great job keep it up! :)
NaaThompson GOLD said...
on Dec. 28 2013 at 6:34 pm
NaaThompson GOLD, Allston, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you don't like someone's story, write your own. -Chinua Achebe

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  I think it is a good attempt
Mushroom SILVER said...
on Dec. 9 2013 at 12:24 pm
Mushroom SILVER, Skagway, Alaska
7 articles 1 photo 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If everyone is thinking alike, someone isn't thinking."
- General George Patton Jr

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
-Romans 8:31

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This is a good motivational piece.
GuardianoftheStars GOLD said...
on Oct. 14 2013 at 9:04 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

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I think the 'tempo' of the poem is nice.  I like the rhyming of the poem, but it may've improved if you had used different types of rhymes (most had a -est or -eat). It would have just have more of a variety, but I like d it. :) It was a good poem for the first try. :)