No one ever asked me what I thought, or how it even affected me; NO one understood.
It's been almost two years. I've spent my time written of how everyone else felt and their views on it,but never mine. Maybe because I truly never knew how to feel about it. Maybe some sort of neglect that she never said goodbye or bothered to explain anything to me.
Or maybe because I blamed myself.
No one knows what I saw. All the signs right in front in me. The third to last day I saw her. It's all eating me inside. I truly blame myself I recognized the signs. I just never thought about it. How on those TV shows they blankly point it out. All the signs in my face, taunting me.
She used me to prepare him for what she had been planning . Remembering the last time I saw her. That night now becoming clearer than before. The whispering, wanting to get away, the emotional support from a man, not a husband who wasn't in control of his life or his marriage the happiness let alone himself.
After years of making her understand that people like us have no cure, she gave up on him.
Maybe all she wanted was some attention or someone who was able to do at a spontaneous nature. Anyone. He was also for that sparkle of a young fellow gal. She went to him for comfort. The images , scenarios I make up in my head of how it went.Sometimes I have to stop myself from taking it to far. But I do the right thing I stop my mind because I keep thinking believing that wasn't you; that it was someone else. That all this is a lie to cover up the true story, that lies beneath.

I want to ask you so much. All these questions I have one especially, why? all of the questions start like this.
Why did you leave?
Why didn't you call?
Why didn't you say goodbye?
Why would you hurt him?
Why would you hurt all of us?

I keep searching .
Even when i first heard the news , the moment my brother and I were called over to the table, My Dad looking serious along with my Mom. I thought I was being Punished, his voice broke Unable to let us know. Starting of the sentence with something bad happened making my heart drop to my stomach. He left with her 3 days ago.
I keep thinking that it couldn't be you. I started to shake. I wanted to cry. We had to keep quiet father told us we had to deny knowing anything.
They forced me to put a shield up hide the true emotions that lye beneath. They saw me shed a tear; since then I have let no one see me cry, for what you did for the pain you caused us all.
Even if I reminisce of all the memories. I replace each one with it.
No one ever asked me, How I felt? , What I thought?, or let me explain to them that her being gone was my fault.

He returned without you, went back to his family, he made amends he avoids all of us. He swallows his sorrows down with a drink that Blurs reality. They think everything will go back to how it was, they're wrong.
He took you from us, from me.
I don't know if you're still alive.

Just knowing that your out there somewhere, I feel better thinking you're laying resting in peace.