Even with this camp-shaped hole in my heart,

I know that

Everything happens for a reason

But it’s so hard to believe

That the thing you wanted so bad

Wasn’t meant for you

You want it so bad, 

You almost believed it was yours.

..I planned my whole summer around it

I don’t understand

Why it's not a part of God's plan for me

Because it felt so right

It felt like home

It felt like chaos

It felt like bliss

It felt like joy

It felt like where I’m meant to be

So it’s hard to understand

Why I’m not destined to go there…

Why I’m not able to go home

Why I’m not able to enjoy the chaos

Why I’m not able to soak in the bliss

Why I’m not able to feel the joy

It doesn’t make sense..

I’ve applied elsewhere, but nothing is the same;

What if this summer ends up lame?

What if I’m bored, watching TV all day,

Instead of being outside and doing things my way?

I need the bug bites;

I need the tanned skin;

I need the soft smile;

I need the excitement;

I need the people;

I need it all..

I trust that God will provide for me, 

and make this summer fun;

But it's hard to grasp

Why I couldn't go back home

I’m sure He has a reason,

And I hope it’s a good one