The clouds were crying.

Big brother you wouldn’t have noticed

What was once unknown in the infantle state of mind seared through the exposure of impurities

Like the pollution in the overflowing creeks near our house.

The rain made my socks squeak and churn whenever my toes wiggled.

The streets remained barren but my mind was entangled.

Skies and my eyes poured as I raced home,

Not being able to comprehend what happened on the dirty, brown, couch.

He knew me and I knew him.

His smile was beyond repair.

They say the eyes are windows to the soul,

But his was tainted, only fixated on pure white chonies.

He pinned me on the dirty, brown couch,

One hand up and the other one down.

I couldn’t breathe because he slobbered all over me,

He smelled like the other boys that went to the same school as me.

I kept saying no, clenching my teeth

Because what I learned in Sex Ed was what he wanted to take from me.

I roll to my side, facing the old, brown coach and prayed

Despite being an atheist, I thought I would never see the day.

He kept reaching down as if my no’s meant yes

But boys will be boys… that’s what they’ll do best.

I managed to squirm my way out and run through the door

Not before he called out “message me on facebook” and asked for more.

The Domino’s guy I passed would never guess

What happened behind the closed door was a huge mess.

The cold spring showers brought cool breezy days

That simmered the inferno that blew up in my mind that day a month before May.

I wiped my tears as I entered my house,

With my brother making a breakfast of eggs and toast.

He asked me “how was track practice”

And I said that it was fine

When really there were a hundred ants biting my insides and mind.

I gave a smile and hoped for the best

And walked up to my room to sit down on my bed.

My pillows started to weigh a ton as my eyes poured

Because I can’t take back the moment on the dirty, brown couch.

Why didn’t I fight

Or kick him in the nuts?

Did I want it that bad?

Because I couldn’t find the one?

People will judge me and call me weak

Because the girl in the world’s toughest sport couldn’t throw a punch.

What will my parents say or let alone think?

I won’t have a life outside of my parentals’ control.

It was a huge misunderstanding, I came to assume,

Without knowing how much the scarring will do.

The police found out 6 months later because my friends knew

That help would be the best thing to do.

But they gave him a note and sent him off

Like a slap on the wrist was just too much.

He was a “boy with a future” was all they could praise

With a G.P.A. higher than mine was enough to persuade.

The school did nothing is all I have to say

Because up until graduation, I had to see him everyday.

The justice system failed me

My school and community too.

I’m sorry you didn’t notice big brother,

Because I knew it would hurt you too.