Guilty Stains | Teen Ink

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 495 comments.

on Dec. 30 2011 at 12:29 am
Cheshirekat SILVER, Boise, Idaho
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Oh you can't avoid that; we're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat

No offense but I knew who the killer was by the time all the characters had been introduced. Also make sure to clear up which character is which because it took me a moment to realize that Anthony was Detective Brown.

on Dec. 11 2011 at 9:04 am
Ahmad-Mobeen GOLD, Rawalpindi, Other
11 articles 4 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
Understand life... Don't just STAND UNDER it!

It's really great! =)

Well, guyz, I'm new here and would really appreciate your support. Please give my story "The Enigmatic Cause" a read and rate it! Please! Sorry if this feels wrong to you. Thanks. =)

gpg1121 said...
on Oct. 31 2011 at 7:56 pm
GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Oct. 11 2011 at 4:50 pm
gottagetout17 SILVER, Carlisle, Pennsylvania
7 articles 11 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No matter what anybody tells you words and ideas can change the world" ~Dead Poets Society

I really liked it! Very suspensful :)

on Sep. 16 2011 at 7:49 am
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments
Thanks for commenting, Maky.

at22 said...
on Sep. 11 2011 at 12:29 pm
It's OK but the writing needs work.

on Aug. 30 2011 at 10:09 am
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. Hope the next piece keeps up the suspense as well. Maky

aakel BRONZE said...
on Aug. 28 2011 at 6:13 pm
aakel BRONZE, Mayfield, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 10 comments
Exellent writing, enjoyable and tense.

gauchi tong said...
on Aug. 22 2011 at 4:31 pm
very nice!

on Jun. 24 2011 at 4:42 pm
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments
Thank you! Glad you liked it, Maky

.Izzy. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 10 2011 at 10:26 pm
.Izzy. BRONZE, Broadview Heights, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 388 comments
Very well done. A lot of suspense and a nice twist at the end. Keep writing!

potter said...
on May. 19 2011 at 7:42 am
Good suspense. Liked this thriller.

Casal said...
on May. 19 2011 at 7:41 am

maria said...
on Apr. 1 2011 at 11:21 am
Just can imagine Brown as a Sherlock Holmes!

on Mar. 22 2011 at 6:57 pm
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments
Thank you very much!

enzo said...
on Mar. 21 2011 at 12:34 pm
Excellent work. Waiting for your next piece!

Belle Bel said...
on Mar. 21 2011 at 12:33 pm
Enjoyed it much! :D!

dalton said...
on Mar. 21 2011 at 12:32 pm
Can picture it scene by scene!

kenny said...
on Mar. 21 2011 at 12:31 pm
Enjoyed your stories as much as your videos! Keep it going kid!

mabas said...
on Mar. 21 2011 at 12:30 pm
Nice piece, "Guilty Stains" has a different twist from "Due Tomorrow" but both have your "mjbc99" signature. Well done Maky