Guilty Stains | Teen Ink

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 494 comments.

mandy said...
on Jan. 8 2011 at 10:54 am
Awesome story, I loved it. Write more stories!

ERodi said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 3:15 pm
"MJBC99" Excellent work in all fields! "Guilty Stains" "Due Tomorrow" both art work & story, very funny!

PazM said...
on Jan. 5 2011 at 1:37 pm
Dear "mjbc99" "Guilty Stains" is a nice thriller, just saw your pen & pencil art work "Due Tomorrow" loved the look on the boy's face! Looking for the story but can't find it, where is it posted?

Stevie said...
on Dec. 31 2010 at 2:25 pm
I really liked it, great use of vocabulary and you did an awesome job of describing everything:) !

Sergio said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 8:16 am
Wow, "mjbc99" - very impressive.  I especially like your use of description and your handling of suspense.  Keep up the good work!

BBry said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 7:52 am
Hi "mjbc99", that was an excellent story. Very nice job. I want to know what happens next. Saw the link on your twitter "makyschannel"

ALEQ said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 7:12 am
Hi "mjbc99", great thriller! I have just seen your videos in youtube too. I'm following on twitter "makyschannel". Unbelievable you are only 11 years old! WOW!

Moni said...
on Dec. 29 2010 at 6:57 am
Hi "mjbc99" Cafe 5 is just the place to play the saxo!

Mar MB said...
on Dec. 25 2010 at 8:01 am
Hi "mjbc99" the congrats on this your video "snow day" has a charles chaplin style I liked much.

Mabel said...
on Dec. 24 2010 at 7:27 am
Movie type thriller! Enjoyed much.

Marvin said...
on Dec. 16 2010 at 5:51 pm
awesome thriller! What happens next?

JJJack said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 8:32 pm
Who is the black shape that shows up at the end? Please send in the sequel.

Meli said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 8:31 pm
Saw the painting of a pipe that reminded me of this thriller. Truly enjoyed it.

William said...
on Dec. 15 2010 at 8:29 pm
Nice work, keep it up.

The Grend said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 2:34 pm
"mjbc99" waiting for Jock McGregor. Went to show where the main singer was doing playback, couldn't help thinking on your Youtube video "Playback" wishing for the curting to drop ....

Hobby said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 2:31 pm
Wow wonder who the guy coming in is!

Bam Bang said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 2:30 pm
"MJBC99" You can develop very different creative angles. Congratulations! From "Guilty Stains" to "Bricks of Knowledge"...

dan dan said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 2:28 pm
Hi "mjbc99" awesome story, want to know what happens next is there a sequel to "Guilty stains"? Had fun with your videos on Youtube, "Science is the answer" is my favourite, "Join the band" is good y thinking too.

bbmmer said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 2:24 pm
the plot is great, it is movie material

Lizzie said...
on Dec. 9 2010 at 2:22 pm
Who is looking at Brown?

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