Guilty Stains | TeenInk

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 494 comments.

on Feb. 20 2014 at 11:05 am
This story kind of confused me a bit when i first read it. I had to read it about 2-3 times to understand. Overall, it was pretty good and i do want to know what happens next.

Borges99 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 11:05 am
It has a great story plot.well done.i like the characters, although The Pipe is like a cliché because of Sherlock Holmes.

vc0203 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 10:59 am
I like how at the end the man found out who killed Mr.Raw. I like the suspense in the story.

matthew24 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 9:36 am
I liked the story plot and i didn't expect the ending!

AE17 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 9:28 am
This is a very interesting story, I didn't expect that type of news. This is a good mystery story.

swagmeout said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 9:20 am
This was a very good story, it was very intense. I very much liked the ending to it, it was good.

Mikell said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 9:20 am
It's cool. Though it was kind of fast.

shortgirl said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 9:12 am
Guilty stains is a great short story, i thought it was very intresting to read. i loved the suspense and the situation and the turns and twist it had i also liked that it had situational irony in it, great job keep up the good work.

kdawson said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 10:04 pm
The beginning of the story was good. But the ending made no sense. They should have written more to make the ending better.

on Feb. 19 2014 at 2:18 pm
Loving the ending although i wouldnt expect the wife to be the killer. Keep doing these kinds of things I like this one.

zf123 said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 2:17 pm
I liked the story. I think that you can change the ending though.

Midnight07 said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 2:16 pm
I liked the story its twist at the end was really good. I only found one thing wrong with it . It needed to be a little bit more grabbing at the beginning of the story besides that it was good . Keep on writing.

on Feb. 19 2014 at 2:15 pm
this is probably one of the worst short stories ever not being rude or anything but that had no excitement the ending wasnt good im sorry but i didnt like it

erinnmccoy said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 2:13 pm
That was an interesting read, I did not expect that ending. It was good, short and simple. 

tuckfoo_12 said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 12:51 pm
I think it was a good story the hook got me and i didnt see that plot twist was pretty cool too

on Feb. 19 2014 at 12:51 pm
ILIKETURTLES143, Wichita, Kansas
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
The Best Way To Move Forward Is To Move Back

Honestly, the ending confused me a little bit, but other than that this short story is amazing, Here is a question, Why would a detective kill an innocent bistandard with the reason of not being paid to spy on someone, was he a dirty cop? There was a hole in the story where the vicitim's wife was cut, was she the red herring?

cupcake98 said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 12:50 pm
this was a really good story. but you would think that the guy wouldnt have killed him just maybe beat him up alittle bit not kill him because he is not going to get paid now that the man is dead...

reader15 said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 12:47 pm
the story was a bit rushed into and a bit confusing but it was alright

Rhonda Bui said...
on Feb. 19 2014 at 12:47 pm
The story line was very intriguing. But it didn't capture my attention, as i was reading i didn't find a lot of excitement and deatils. But overall a great story, good job.  

on Feb. 19 2014 at 12:47 pm
I think this was pretty good. It was a bit confusing at first but I got it. I like the ending.