Guilty Stains | Teen Ink

Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
By MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
MakenaB_mjbc99 BRONZE, Brookline, Massachusetts
4 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 495 comments.

bab27 said...
on Feb. 23 2015 at 6:27 pm
Dear Author, I enjoyed your story! Crime based plots are really interesting to me. But you were lacking some small action with your characters. I think more of it would have allowed more suspense in the plot development and make the conversations a little snappier.

Mo-Con BRONZE said...
on Feb. 13 2015 at 1:37 pm
Mo-Con BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our past is a story. Our future is it's sequel."

@liljoeph I do believe this story is good, but there are always things to approve upon. I do like the authors plot, and story line. We are all implied to our thoughts, and I personally think there were things that needed to be approved. Thank you, Mo-Con

liljoesph said...
on Dec. 11 2014 at 1:56 pm

lilj said...
on Dec. 11 2014 at 1:54 pm
this is a good story

Mo-Con BRONZE said...
on Dec. 8 2014 at 10:19 pm
Mo-Con BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our past is a story. Our future is it's sequel."

My deepest apoligizes, Just not nust    And sorry for other things spelt wrong

Mo-Con BRONZE said...
on Dec. 8 2014 at 10:17 pm
Mo-Con BRONZE, Hartland, Wisconsin
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our past is a story. Our future is it's sequel."

Dear Author, I read your story and was pulled in by the plot. However, the ending was a let down. The lack of detail made it hard to visualize this scene. The story was choppy and need transitions. Finally, the dialouge between charecters seemed focred a little. The way it was addressed was boring were it should have been exicting. Also, in the dialouge, add some action. Maybe what the charecters are doing when talking. Otherwise it comes across as them nust standing there.   Thank you, Mo-Con

Mo-Con said...
on Dec. 7 2014 at 10:59 pm
Dear Author,   This story was very intresting with a nice plot. I do admire your creativty but I do beleif that the story could have been addressed differently. The story was very choppy with little transitions and dialouge was needed in certian places to easy the story along. Thank you for reading, Mo-Con

on Nov. 16 2014 at 4:04 pm
helloworld500, Buford, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill

I think that the interview was a bit unrealistic. I mean, any self-respecting woman wouldn't just matter-of-factly speak to any old guy about the abuse she took from her husband a few nights before. It would take some effort to get that much personal information out of her.

PowerPerfect said...
on Nov. 4 2014 at 8:46 am
I know right?

on Oct. 8 2014 at 4:57 pm
Trin_Freckles GOLD, Troutman, North Carolina
11 articles 12 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
When your sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead


on Sep. 25 2014 at 2:57 pm
lol thats what mysteries are for.

bob bob said...
on Sep. 22 2014 at 9:03 am
bob bob, Wallswerth, Kentucky
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
ill right another one!

on Feb. 23 2014 at 8:10 am
uncomfortableBrunette SILVER, Lr. Sackville, Other
5 articles 13 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to hate you half as much as i hate myself

Do you think you could write a sequel?

on Feb. 23 2014 at 8:09 am
uncomfortableBrunette SILVER, Lr. Sackville, Other
5 articles 13 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to hate you half as much as i hate myself

This is really good! It's not very often that I find a good detective story, so I was over the moon when I saw how well this was written!

kelly10 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 10:34 pm
I really like this story but ther are a few things that I would change.One thing that I would change is the ending.I would make it more clear about who did the crime.

Teen Spirit said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 1:39 pm
The story was a little confusing. Had to read it over again to understand it but it was a pretty good story overall.

skatesmuch99 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 12:11 pm
This story was interesting. It had a good story to it.

Christian B. said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 11:59 am
I liked this story although i thought it could have been more linked togeither i thought it was all over the place. Otherwise it was a good story

Lopez123 said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 11:18 am
The story was confusing at the end. Over all the story was pretty good.

loveINXS said...
on Feb. 20 2014 at 11:17 am
loveINXS, Witchita, Idaho
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
It was a bit hard to figure it out but in time the story made sence and was pretty cool.