Come. Part two Paul | Teen Ink

Come. Part two Paul

July 5, 2011
By FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened

“Dude what your doing to your wife is heartless.” That’s the third time this week I’ve been told that. Sitting in the bar, hanging with the guys. With a shot of whiskey in my right hand, a little black box in my left. “You don’t understand”

That’s my excuse, but the truth is I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I leave her alone at night. I don’t understand why right after dinner I just have to leave. It’s not that she’s uncaring, she’s an angel; and it’s not that she’s not beautiful; she’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. There is nothing wrong with the house, it’s spectacular; and the neighborhood is great too. It’s just that I can’t stand to be there. Every day I put in overtime at work and don’t come home till 8. Then after dinner I’m out of the house by 9 and not back till midnight. By that time she’s tucked in bed and all the lights in the house are off.

“So then why are you doing this?”

It started after she took care of her sister’s baby for a week. That entire time she was so happy, it was rippling off her body in waves. But then her sister came and took her baby back. After that you could feel the emptiness, the darkness left where the child had been. Things went back to normal, but you could tell Lily missed her. The thick smog of her sorrow drove me away. It’s been 4 months since then and the routine still stands.

“So what are you going to do about it?”
I sigh and look at the clock; it’s only 9:30. Setting the empty glass down and placing the box in my pocket; I hand the bar tender the money and push back my chair. “Bye Bill, Craig, Joey” “Bye Paul be safe”

I’ve thought a thousand time what I can do to make her happy. Having a baby would be the easiest solution but I honestly don’t think we’re ready. Maybe a puppy or some kind of pet or maybe babysitting Emma’s child once a month would be better. I’m really not sure what to do.

I look at the dark house before me and wish we could make it right. Hopefully we will.

I love her too much to let her go.

The author's comments:
The second part in a heart breaking romance

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This article has 8 comments.

on Jul. 25 2011 at 10:46 am
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
19 articles 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else - Erna Bombeck

In three words i can sum up everything I've learned in life: it goes on -Robert Frost

Live, Love, Laugh - ______

Hope, Love, breathe <3 - Me

i really like it, it was really start after reading the first part but the end got happier :)

on Jul. 12 2011 at 10:38 am
FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened

Thank you very much. Also I'm planning on writing more I just need to get around to it. But thanks :)

on Jul. 12 2011 at 9:38 am
ArgonElement SILVER, The Woodlands, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Question Authority.

Aw I ususally don't go for romances, but this was so sweet in a non-gushy way. Good work:)

on Jul. 11 2011 at 10:58 pm
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 577 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I think I read part one a while back when this hadn't been posted. I really like the voice you displayed in this. Like WritingSpasms said, Paul's character is definitely believable. You've done a good job developing his character, even in a short piece like this one. Very well done. :)

on Jul. 11 2011 at 8:59 pm
WritingSpasms, Los Angeles, California
0 articles 0 photos 121 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Devils run when a good man goes to war."
- River Song from Doctor Who (Ep. A Good Man Goes to War)

I like this one as well as the first. :) Paul's character and background story was believable. Is this the end or will there be more to come? I'd like to read more :)

on Jul. 11 2011 at 7:50 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, this is great!  I just have a little bit of criticism:

1.  In the first line, 'your' should be 'you're'.

2.  When his friends are saying goodbye, make sure it's on a different line.

3.  "I've though a thousand time..."  'Time' should be 'times'.

But other than that, this was good.  You gave Paul's reasons for staying away from his wife and he was a believable character. :)

on Jul. 11 2011 at 5:50 pm
born2bewriting BRONZE, Webster, New York
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The sky's the limit!"

AHH!! why does that keep happening!!!! sorry about that just ignore again!

on Jul. 11 2011 at 5:49 pm
born2bewriting BRONZE, Webster, New York
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The sky's the limit!"

hi once again! okay, sorry to be nitpicky but rememeber to put in periods within your quotation marks. also, everytime you start a quote right away, you need to start a new paragraph by indenting. okay, that aside, I really liked it! like i said before, concentrate on slowing your writing speed, taking time to really make the scene detailed.

okay, that's enough for now! my work is still being approved, but in the forums back a ways is my work, Prologue part one, two, and three. just do an advanced search and tell me what you think!

happy writing!