The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1891 comments. Post your own now!

MercadezLuvsU2 said...
today at 9:48 am
lol, So true. I can see it now.
dearguilttripping said...
Oct. 2 at 3:14 pm
im in class and dying of laughter 11/10
lemonfanta said...
May 11 at 1:31 pm
Literary classic?
RRicks9 said...
May 5 at 2:37 am
OMG! This is so hilarious! "I think she meant bite me."
HereSheIsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 28 at 7:06 am
This is what the Twighlight books/movies should have been, because it's much higher quality and an awesome parody :)
Crazypersonnextdoor said...
Feb. 21 at 3:34 pm
Lmao! amazing
RashelLiko said...
Feb. 21 at 11:07 am
Hilarious! XD
Yld777 said...
Feb. 21 at 7:33 am
nice and funny
AditiVibgyor said...
Feb. 19 at 2:39 pm
Wow this was extremely hilarious!!
AlyssaJanelle said...
Jan. 30 at 9:45 am
Omg I've read The Twilight series and this practically sums everything up. Lol this was really funny.
lmckenney said...
Nov. 3, 2016 at 7:52 am
This was funny I laughed so hard!
JasonEdwardWilson said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 10:14 am
So great, I died
xo.erinnicole said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 10:04 am
This was so funny because it was so true.
MohammedF said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 9:50 am
Amazingly amazing
Eric Breazy said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 9:48 am
The beauty The romance The confusion Teenage love
AGupta1 said...
Oct. 19, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Keep writing please! I laughed out loud and my mother looked at me like I was crazy.
Ebony_Strike said...
Sept. 29, 2016 at 8:06 pm
I think this may have been the best thing I have ever read.
Dream_Bar22 said...
Sept. 20, 2016 at 10:34 am
this is amazing
Screen_name: said...
Sept. 2, 2016 at 4:02 pm
This sums it up perfectly
jordynnangeleen said...
Sept. 2, 2016 at 11:28 am
make a part 2!!!
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