The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | TeenInk

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1950 comments.


WannaWrite20 said...
on Oct. 27 at 12:53 pm
WannaWrite20, Kettle Falls, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

This is AMAZING

Vulture1102 said...
on Oct. 25 at 4:07 pm
Vulture1102, Arlington, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right-Henry Ford

Yo, this made my day, and that’s a hard thing to do for me this year.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 at 8:27 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 at 8:27 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

Marinaluck21 said...
on Sep. 8 at 8:18 am
Marinaluck21, Somewhere, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sorry for the inconvenience
We are trying to change the world
~Anonymous

I haven't read the series but this just told me what to expect xD

on Jul. 12 at 4:06 pm
shhhhhhiiiiiittttttffffuuuccckkk, Fuck, New York
0 articles 0 photos 32 comments
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shhhhhhiiiiiittttttffffuuuccckkk, Fuck, New York
0 articles 0 photos 32 comments
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Chloë3808 said...
on Jun. 23 at 4:41 pm
Chloë3808, Devon, Other
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
When you are older, you'll regret the things you don't do in life more than the things that you did.

this was.... amazing

Lynn_Grace said...
on May. 29 at 5:46 pm
Lynn_Grace, Edmond, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
The most eloquent, complex thing I have ever read. A masterpiece!
The dance-off is just... A work of art. You have a way with words! Bravo.

on Apr. 13 at 9:56 am
Funny_Fangirl, Festus, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
LOL, now I don't have to read the actual series!

on Jan. 29 at 3:25 pm
IsabelleMarieMartin BRONZE, Oberlin, Louisiana
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
'It's never too late to be what you might have been". -George Elliot

You are a very outstanding writer. You should work on scripts for movies or tv shows. Please check my work if you get a chance. I hope you like mine as much as i like yours.

on Jan. 10 at 12:49 pm
WolfieDW BRONZE, Mountain View, California
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If my life was to be just a single note in an endless symphony, how could I not sound it out for as long and as loudly as I could?" - Lauren Wolk, Wolf Hollow

I laughed so hard! "JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi? EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic." ;D ;P

thisaintit said...
on Sep. 17 2019 at 7:45 am
thisaintit, Atlanta, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
@avathebooknerd my aunt is naming her unborn child mosirah so...ig its a free world XD

KayLai said...
on Aug. 2 2019 at 12:54 pm
KayLai, Eugene, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
either do it right, or dont do it at all

9:54 am. Tries not to burst into laughter and wake up moody older sister. But yes, this is amazing

on Jun. 4 2019 at 8:41 am
Lilycook212 BRONZE, New Castle, Delaware
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I found this very funny and interesting to read.

My_Author said...
on May. 14 2019 at 6:17 pm
My_Author, No, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hey there beautiful. Remember, be yourself.

Can't say how true this is XD