The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1966 comments.


on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 8 2019 at 10:24 am
Emotional_Mistake, Sylva, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a sunflower a little funny. If I were a rose maybe you'd want me."
-I'm a sunflower.

(Song lyrics not a quote)

Omg Yes. I loved Twilight before but this just made it ten times better

on Mar. 18 2019 at 2:42 pm
iamcloudyeyes SILVER, Spokane Valley, Washington
9 articles 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
- Don Marquis, The Lesson of the Moth

"my eggo...."

on Mar. 18 2019 at 2:40 pm
iamcloudyeyes SILVER, Spokane Valley, Washington
9 articles 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
- Don Marquis, The Lesson of the Moth

"my eggo is prego"

on Mar. 11 2019 at 5:38 pm
Avathebooknerd BRONZE, Cortland, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Our fate lies within us you just have to be brave enough to see it” -Merida, Brave

Who names their child Renesme? Sorry if i've offended anyone.

TKS SILVER said...
on Feb. 19 2019 at 10:17 am
TKS SILVER, Christiansburg, Virginia
6 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Subscribe to Pewdiepie

Might I say......
Still a better love story than Twilight.

on Feb. 6 2019 at 8:26 am
Kittensdamittens SILVER, York, Pennsylvania
8 articles 7 photos 14 comments
Thank you, this is amazing

on Dec. 17 2018 at 8:30 am
NetherKing5555, Hazard, Kentucky
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Do or do not, there is no try." -Yoda

Pretty much sums the story up.

GreenSoda said...
on Nov. 17 2018 at 3:46 pm
GreenSoda, Jeffersonville, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Both: "There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is ..."
Galinda: "Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe."
Elphaba: "... Blonde.” - Wicked

What did I just read XD

on Nov. 1 2018 at 2:17 pm
thatonegirl136, Macon, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly and then all at once."
- John Green

Haha this was funny.

on Oct. 10 2018 at 5:09 pm
constellation_tea BRONZE, Vashon, Washington
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
I read the twilight series, out of obligation because I was given them as a gift and it was winter break and I didn't have anything better to do. It was a very regrettable experience, and this is a perfect summary. If this sounds interesting, sure, go read the books. But generally I found this summary, more interesting than the books.

on Oct. 10 2018 at 5:09 pm
constellation_tea BRONZE, Vashon, Washington
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
I read the twilight series, out of obligation because I was given them as a gift and it was winter break and I didn't have anything better to do. It was a very regrettable experience, and this is a perfect summary. If this sounds interesting, sure, go read the books. But generally I found this summary, more interesting than the books.

Asterion GOLD said...
on Sep. 17 2018 at 3:58 am
Asterion GOLD, Toronto, Ontario
15 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

Hello. I loved what you did here. As a inspiration I'm going to try to see if I can write other summaries. I loved the quick witty humorous tones and the way you managed to keep it simple so that people don't need to really read to whole twilight series to understand it. See ya around!
-Asterion

on Aug. 28 2018 at 1:36 pm
DevoraSwiftfoot BRONZE, Round Hill, Virginia
1 article 5 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Though she be but little, she is fierce."-Shakespeare

I laughed my guts out. 99% best, you just didn't show how comically weak Bella was.

on Jul. 8 2018 at 7:19 pm
Correspondence, The Cosmos, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Do not let the fear of unhappiness cripple your pursuit of finding what it is you believe." ~Tyler Joseph

I died laughing while reading this. 100% accurate. XD Well done summing up a couple thousand page series in almost a paragraph.

on Jun. 7 2018 at 1:17 am
Dont_Stop_Me_Now, Grayslake, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
" No" Rosa Parks ( Javert from Les Mis)

This is to the T.

Fang4 said...
on Jun. 4 2018 at 3:49 pm
Fang4,
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
OMG! This is hilarious. I am laughing so hard right now.

on May. 24 2018 at 11:02 pm
holly.lodmell BRONZE, Spartanburg, South Carolina
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
This is quality

jacklynkay said...
on Apr. 29 2018 at 5:06 pm
jacklynkay, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I've read the books and have to admit, this is a better alternative! Great job.

kaitlynhartl said...
on Apr. 27 2018 at 1:29 pm
kaitlynhartl, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
I've never wanted to read Twilight and now I have an excuse not to, this is better.