The recent legalization of recreational cannabis in two states has motivated a group of House representatives to introduce a bill last week that proposes the federal legalization of the herb.
“Not in my House.” Representative Rob Bishop (R-UT) said after H.R. 508 was proposed, “I’m not going to have a bunch of stoner hippies running around, not when the border is still wide open!”
Article II of the bill proposes the legal smoking age be 21, like the legal drinking age. Article IV states that no one can “knock it til they’ve tried it”
Supporters of this bill have adopted the phrases:
“Marijuana: It’s not just for hippies anymore!”
“Yes we cannabis!”
And the slightly less popular “Wait…what?”
While the Senate is still split on the bill, President Obama seems to have chosen a side. At press time he was seen wearing sunglasses despite being in the Oval Office and a t-shirt that read “Legalize It.” When asked to comment on the proposed bill, President Obama said, “Hey, Joe! Where are the Cheetos?” referring to Vice President Joe Biden.
We were later informed that Vice President Biden had eaten all of the Cheetos.

A rally for the cause took place on April 20th in City Park, Fort Collins, Colorado. The crowd of nearly 2,000 marijuana supporters lost their way and showed up an hour and a half late. The general consensus among the activists made a huge statement to Washington. They proclaimed, “What did we come here for?”
Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), another big supporter of H.R. 508, said, “The hard fact is--smoking weed is incredibly cool, and that’s science.” Senator Blumenthal may be onto something. Polls show 98% of Americans agree.
Concerned parents all over the U.S. are asking the same thing: what will this bill do to the children? A local marijuana supporter and high school drop out, who goes by the name Chilly, weighs in on this important question.
“If you want your kids to stop smoking pot—legalize it”
Perhaps this rationale is why people aged 18-25 are polling in at very low numbers in support of the bill.
This raises an even more pressing question than the one concerning children; what would legalizing marijuana do to the coolness factor?
Experts say coolness will be greatly affected because seriously, who wants to get high legally? Dr. Hansel, a botanist from the University of California, Los Angeles, led a million dollar study on the subject. “We’ve come to the conclusion after much research involving various animals and substances that anything legal is about 45 times more uncool than something illegal.” This leaves people all over the country thinking sure we can legalize weed, but at what cost?
The real biggest supporter of legalizing marijuana is the economy. All of the untaxed revenue behind pot is enough to make even the most hardened anti-drug activist listen up. It is not just lazy stoners who benefit from legalizing; it’s good for virtually everyone. The United States government made $17,653,708 from tobacco sales in 2011. If that kind of revenue isn’t American, I don’t know what is.
Drugpolicy.says, “It’ s time to stop wasting money and ruining lives.” I think we can all agree with that.