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Birthday Candles

The three decker cake stood before me on the table
All thirteen candles lit and waiting,

The wax melting and fading,
And the base plunged into the goodness of vanilla icing

As the spotlight birthday song continued to be sung.
Once it’s over, the candles seem to get brighter,

Smiles seem to get wider,
And the balloons seem to get lighter

As I stare at the round, sugary cake.
I can feel everybody’s eyes on me,
Beckoning my wish to come and blow out the candles,

So that the mocking cake can be devoured.
I can’t think of my wish or how to put it in words;
I feel pressured with all the family’s and camera’s eyes

Poised on me with expectance.
The icing covered cake sweats on the table,

And within seconds I make up my mind
I take a deep breath and blow 12 flaming candles out

And on the 13th I whisper softly,
'I blew out my birthday candles

And wished for you.'



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gaabbbeeee_This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 13 at 11:08 am
LOVE THIS!
 
untold_secrets said...
Feb. 13 at 11:06 am
i love your poem i loved how you used something so small and make it come to life.
 
lexiibeale said...
Jan. 7 at 4:57 pm
I love the poem up until the last stanza. It totally changed the poem and disrupted the flow.
 
devilish_angel said...
Dec. 21, 2013 at 8:42 am
i liked this
 
kaylaw23 said...
Dec. 7, 2013 at 6:53 pm
I love how simple this was and how it builds. The ending was so cute also :D
 
dina8This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 17, 2013 at 11:16 am
the use of imagery was very useful, it mad me feel like I was there too
 
TaylorWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 9, 2013 at 7:26 pm
Personally, I like the kind of slow start to this piece... It really created a lot of suspense. I really admire how you took such a seemingly insignificant event and just personalized it and made it something NEW, like, to read. Really, this was cool.
 
Kaylaaaaaaa said...
Nov. 1, 2013 at 11:29 pm
You did a great job using imagry! It felt like i was there in the exsperince with you!
 
KingFoeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:40 pm
truthfully I thought it started out kind of slow and didn't hook me until after the middle of it, but it has alot of potential it just didn't flow all that well. But that's just me, obviously alot of other people really loved it. 
 
Netta4ever said...
Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:50 pm
This is real cute, simple & sweet. I love it !
 
50BlackRosesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 5, 2013 at 3:49 pm
Girl I love this poem. Keep writing so we can keep reading  your masterpieces. You're doing great. 
 
thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:43 am
great job with the candle imagery and metaphors, vivid descriptions, and interesting end, though you could have elaborated a bit more on that. Keep writing!
 
dejarenee said...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 3:52 am
Your word choice for this poem was very good. It didn't capture with the opening line, but i loved the ending lines! 
 
PeanutButterJelly This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 16, 2013 at 3:37 pm
I loved this piece of work. The symbolism of the candles was very smart. I feel as though the end was very short and abrupt, but it worked for the style and twist in the poem. Definetelynone of my favorites!
 
lauren_mcmicking said...
Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm
This poem was very descriptive and relatable for birthdays. My favorite part, however, was the last three lines because it changes the plot. I just wish I would've been more interested in the first part to make this poem more affective for me. Great work.
 
M. said...
Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:04 pm
I like the imagery and how you can relate to the birthday part of it. However, my favorite line was the last three, because I like how the poem was switched up to a different plot.
 
koala_song said...
Mar. 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

OMG that was oh...i dont know...

AWESOME!!!!!!!! like seriously I absolutely loved that!!!!!! wow I am so happy it's being published. You deserve it girl...you really do!!! Good luck!!!(haha but you don't need luck! You have all the talent you could get! LOLz)

 
KeepDreamingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 4:37 pm
This is so good, and if I were you, I'd send it to a more elete group of workers.
 
JaneCapelleThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm
Thank you, and I actually did, it's being published in an actual book!! :D
 
didyou_notice_007 said...
Feb. 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm
That was so nice!! I read it to my friend and I thought it was going to be just another normal poem but it wasn't and I liked it a lot!! I read it and then I read your 'Author Comment' and well I have no words for it! I loved it!!(:
 
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