Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Carl Haynes, Staten Island, NY

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

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This article has 2125 comments.

on Nov. 1 2009 at 10:52 pm
DEARtiffanyy GOLD, West Hills, California
12 articles 10 photos 20 comments
I think that the "i" isn't capitalized on purpose. The writer puts himself on a lower rank than the Sea or Father, hence, they are capitalized.

on Nov. 1 2009 at 6:08 pm
chetahgirl20 PLATINUM, Rosemount, Minnesota
25 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
The world is your oyster, and the universe is a fish.

I would try to have realistic words, and capitalize "I". Nice poem.

on Nov. 1 2009 at 3:03 pm
Doug-e-fre$h GOLD, Mission Hills, California
13 articles 2 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm Lady Gaga, and i want your soul

Really cewl poem but...i dont really get it. Maybe i'm just stupid. but anyway, beautiful choice of words!!! :)

on Nov. 1 2009 at 2:37 pm
s.nichole. PLATINUM, Ossian, Indiana
27 articles 4 photos 18 comments
touched my soul; you're amazing. :)

savina GOLD said...
on Nov. 1 2009 at 2:23 pm
savina GOLD, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina
19 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Dont try to bull crap a bull crapper becuase they know all about the bull crapping".- my ap enviromental science teacher

I love this poem, I just wanted to keep reading. Great work!

Shailja GOLD said...
on Nov. 1 2009 at 4:34 am
Shailja GOLD, Patna, Other
13 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
The fear of rejection is worse than rejection itself ~ Nora Profit

a touchin piece of work....

DelkS SILVER said...
on Nov. 1 2009 at 3:31 am
DelkS SILVER, Sydney, Nebraska
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only way to defeat your enemies is to make them your friends"

So real, its deep. I love it.

on Oct. 21 2009 at 2:57 pm
FlyleafFreak DIAMOND, Loveland, Colorado
51 articles 0 photos 203 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have faith in fools;self confidence my friends call it"~Edger Allan Poe
"In this world of infinite insanity, your friends are the best psychiatrists you will ever have."~Me

Wow! This is amazing! The last stanza is my favorite! Keep on writing. =P

on Oct. 8 2009 at 7:25 pm
monalisa011 BRONZE, Lorton, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
This is really good... but the end is kind of depressing

slaubster409 said...
on Sep. 18 2009 at 12:14 pm
slaubster409, St. Louis, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
Beautiful. I thought it was very expressive and good.

Minita BRONZE said...
on Jul. 22 2009 at 1:40 pm
Minita BRONZE, Fountain, Florida
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everybody just wnats to flow seperately

I love how the poem flows into one piece.

that father sounds mean!

wordluver said...
on Jul. 16 2009 at 6:19 pm
WHOAH Carl! this poem is so amaizing i really love the end it's so perfect although i just wanted the poem to keep going! haha well keep up the good work and keep writing you have an amaizing talent!

on Jul. 3 2009 at 7:14 pm
TheColorSilver PLATINUM, Commack, New York
27 articles 22 photos 33 comments
that was good, but the rhymes seamed awkward at times, such as "birdie"

Kinnery SILVER said...
on Jun. 22 2009 at 8:38 pm
Kinnery SILVER, London, Ontario, Other
6 articles 1 photo 3 comments
In general, I loved the poem. The rhyming was forced at times, though, especially at the part about the 'birdie'. The flow also got lost in some parts.

The themes, though, and the style too, were beautiful. You have a definite talent.

Evangalene said...
on Jun. 1 2009 at 9:52 pm
I must say, this poem you've composed, it is simply amazing. Not once have I heard something so beautiful and deep. The hidden meanings you could imply from such poem is infinite. Congratulations on writing what is (in my opinion) the most spectacular piece of poetry yet.

on May. 29 2009 at 10:53 pm
PoeticRamblings GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
16 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Facts may be true, but there are very few people who dare to speak the truth.


erikaee SILVER said...
on May. 29 2009 at 8:02 pm
erikaee SILVER, Lake Charles, Louisiana
7 articles 3 photos 11 comments
pretty :)

on May. 29 2009 at 7:35 pm
HeavenCooley GOLD, Stillwater, Oklahoma
15 articles 0 photos 119 comments
wow this is totlly good!!! it sounds like you have alout of experince of writing!!:)

on May. 29 2009 at 4:45 pm
ShernayB. DIAMOND, Southfield, Michigan
62 articles 1 photo 881 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Some things will never change"---Tupac

Wow! your poem was really good. Extraordinary! Outstanding! I really enjoyed the rhyme scheme used in this piece! Very good!

Anjo! SILVER said...
on May. 20 2009 at 4:46 am
Anjo! SILVER, Roseburg, Oregon
6 articles 0 photos 212 comments
THIS IS SO AWESOME!! WOW!! I got chills!!!


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