Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Carl Haynes, Staten Island, NY

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2146 comments.


on Apr. 11 2009 at 10:27 pm
gonzaleztd GOLD, Clearwater, Florida
14 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher

I love it... Reminds me of Ormond Beach, FL.

on Apr. 11 2009 at 3:36 pm
Mariah Carley GOLD, Jacksonville, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i LOVE this, you did really good on it :], high five lol. and i can relate to it very well. you were very creative :].

on Apr. 10 2009 at 2:02 am
Darcey_Doo=) GOLD, Red Lion, Pennsylvania
14 articles 55 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Split ends with no where else to go, we continue down this path only to grow, within a blink of an eye were gone with no hellos or goodbyes, no I love you's or second tries."
-Me

I love your creative mind. (:

on Mar. 29 2009 at 3:47 pm
I really liked this:)

I agree with the others I didn't expect the ending.

I love this.

on Mar. 28 2009 at 8:21 pm
Ben Appleby BRONZE, Bulford, Nr Salisbury, Other
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Just Wanna Say:



This is an amazing piece, the best I've seen on here so far.



xx

on Mar. 25 2009 at 5:16 pm
.Misted.Ma SILVER, Easley, South Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 3 comments
It's an odd poem but it kept the readers attention. Very different perspective to look at things. And it's very odd to see the relationship with a father described this way, i wouldn't know so that is very insightful.

on Mar. 25 2009 at 5:06 pm
xXTearxStainedXx BRONZE, Easley, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments
very good. unexpected ending too.

on Mar. 24 2009 at 3:00 pm
mamacassx33 BRONZE, Rotterdam, New York
4 articles 6 photos 22 comments
amazing!....i think you might like some of mine idk....well heres 1 of my best TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/90045/Meth/

on Mar. 21 2009 at 3:22 pm
SillySarah BRONZE, Covert, Michigan
2 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live today as if there is no tomorrow.

I liked this it was cute.

on Mar. 19 2009 at 11:38 pm
sumthingspecial BRONZE, New York, New York
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments
wow that was gud...:]

on Mar. 19 2009 at 11:30 pm
Great work, really. I love the symbolism and how even though you could fly, you were still bound to earth and your dad was still somehow there to protect you. I would really appreciate some feedback on mine. I'm still pretty much a fledgling writer and I haven't had any really good criticism. TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/92093/Guitar-String-Lover/

True220 said...
on Mar. 17 2009 at 4:50 pm
this is a lovely poem

lovesscola04 said...
on Mar. 16 2009 at 5:47 am
Several people on here have commented about the 'i's. Few, if any, have asked your reason for not capitalizing them, however. I'm curious to see if you had a particular reason. Some people, myself included, find meaning in little things like uncapitalized 'i's. It was an interesting peom to say the east, and I really liked it. Everyone has a different outlook on childhood and life in general, and I think that makes description even more important in such poems. Use more of it, please! Wait, no- if you want to, I think you should be more descriptive. I cannot tell you whether to use it or not, though. You have great potential! :D

on Mar. 15 2009 at 7:09 pm
project827 GOLD, Portage, Michigan
13 articles 1 photo 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Real Revolution Starts At Learning, If You're Not Angry, Then You Are Not Paying Attention" - Tim McIlrath

interesting stuff, Carl. A good idea, but you could work on the presentation a bit.

on Mar. 7 2009 at 3:39 pm
LaLaLaLauren! BRONZE, Grayson, Kentucky
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."-Pride and Predjudice

Wow! That was amazing. Absolutely lovely. Your an amazing writer.

on Mar. 7 2009 at 12:25 am
iAmTheStardust PLATINUM, Moon Twp., Pennsylvania
36 articles 1 photo 94 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The prettiest flowers grow in the biggest pile of manure."

this poem is cooio, but what do you mean in the last 2 lines?

kat95 PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 24 2009 at 3:22 am
kat95 PLATINUM, Bedford Hills, New York
21 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Smile even through your tears
:)
*
*

This is an amazing poem!!!!!!! But what does it mean when you say you are "bound"??

congrats

-k

on Feb. 24 2009 at 2:26 am
StrawberrySweetie SILVER, Hampton, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't drown in the depth of your insecurities, instead prosper in the maturities of your personality.

Hello, this is a great poem. Keep up the good work! I loved how you threw in "birdie"!

ManateeMe said...
on Feb. 24 2009 at 12:59 am
It was good just work on it

katie said...
on Feb. 23 2009 at 2:15 pm
I REALLY LIKED THIS POEM!


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