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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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maddyhatterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 10, 2012 at 6:39 pm:
still on top
 
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DaleTheWhale said...
May 10, 2012 at 9:21 am:
I thoroughly enjoy this poem. It has an original message and it has a great flow. However, I'm not really a fan of the birdie part, and I would suggest using proper grammer next time. Still, good job.
 
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woodley419PSNGamertag said...
May 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm:
This poem is really good. The thing I liked most about this poem is the rhyming. Another thing I liked in this poem is the stanzas because they are in the perfect order and place.
 
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**Melanie_K** said...
May 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm:
I Liked the consanace in the poem. I think it sounds better that way. I was a little confused at first, but as I read on I understood what the poem was saying and what you ment.
 
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RoseMadder95 said...
May 1, 2012 at 3:05 pm:
You are seriously talanted. I love how deep it is. It has a good flow to it, too. Keep writing!
 
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NeonGreenMoon said...
May 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm:
I really enjoyed this. your very talented, keep it up! :)
 
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Chubby Dawg said...
May 1, 2012 at 12:57 pm:
That was a great poem! I enjoyed it like it was a Wiz Khalifa concert!
 
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Chubby Dawg said...
May 1, 2012 at 12:54 pm:
It was a great poem. That poem was like being at a Wiz Khalifa concert. keep up the good stuff.
 
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T-Plush 2 said...
May 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm:
I really liked the poem. I think you could have made it better by maybe adding a simile or metaphor. Other than that I really liked it.
 
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SORECROR1234 said...
May 1, 2012 at 10:28 am:
The poem is very deep and it is very good. It is divided into stanzas and it also has pathetic fallacy. The poem probably would've been better if those last few lines weren't there. But I like the whole father and son idea. So overall this poem is a very good poem that could use maybe a few little changes.
 
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Bailey98 said...
May 1, 2012 at 7:48 am:

I really enjoyed this poem and the rhythm and rhyme of the poem really made it flow. The assonance in the poem also made it come more alive.

 
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taytaybergbower said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:49 am:
very good. good detail
 
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DoraNguyen said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:41 am:
This poem is very deep. But, I feel as though that the last lines didn't belong.
 
J1029 replied...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm :
I agree with DoraNguyen.  I loved the poem, but I didn't get the full meaning of the last couple lines. 
 
wishingtheskywasbluerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 4, 2012 at 1:41 am :
i thought that the last line was the best!!!!
 
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XxsurrendertofatexX said...
Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:49 am:
i reallly liked it! i thought that the last couple of lines were where most of the meaning of the poem took place. great job! c:
 
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ElvenSecrets17 said...
Apr. 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm:
Very beautiful, I wish my poetry could sound as powerful as yours:)
 
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MysteriousWounds said...
Apr. 20, 2012 at 12:46 am:
it started off really good...but the last stanza confused me. i feel like the last two lines didn't really belong there :/
 
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tdpackerfan said...
Apr. 18, 2012 at 1:44 pm:
"gazed at the birdie" . . . really? I think that this poem is highly overrated. I thought that the rhyme-scheme was desperate and half-hashed. The twist at the end was nice, but ultimately the reader has no way to trust the narrator. First of all, he disobeys his father directly by going into the water, so when the father finally holds him back, I feel like the father is saving the narrator instead of holding him back or restricting him. The title is interesting and paradoxical, but for goodness... (more »)
 
I.WhiteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 2, 2012 at 8:31 pm :
yeah, i don't see why this poem is so famous...
 
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