Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

April 23, 2008
By
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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clubfoot245 said...
Nov. 15, 2008 at 1:27 am
it was amaxing...such descriptive words...wow... i loved keep writing...its your thing...
 
aubrey_the_author said...
Nov. 14, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I thought it was a nice concept, but you should be better with your grammar; PLEASE CAPITALIZE IT!!! YOU ARE NOT WRITING IN TEXT, SO CAPITILIZE YOUR "I'S"!!!!

I know that poetry doesn't have to make sense, but this makes NO SENSE, even with the rest of the poem! "The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground." What??

Otherwise, I liked the concept. Make sure you check you work and have different drafts. Leave it... (more »)
 
awesomeaugust said...
Nov. 14, 2008 at 12:36 am
I thought this was a really good poem. The rythm was a bit wierd, but i thoguht it gave it character. I would like to know if it was about God though, like knot thought, or about a parent father. Either way, great work!!!
 
Cleo said...
Nov. 13, 2008 at 11:48 pm
You are a true poet I tip my hat to you out of all the poems I've ever heard yours is the best
 
Tia_babii said...
Nov. 13, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I like it......... simplicity is thes best compliment....=]
 
liz said...
Nov. 12, 2008 at 11:51 pm
i dont get it
 
DEATHANGEL said...
Nov. 12, 2008 at 5:39 pm
OMG I LOVED THIS POEM. YOU ARE AWESOME AT DOING THIS. I GIVE YOU 2 KUDOS
 
BWI said...
Nov. 11, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Hmm...some of these lines don't make any sense. Introducing a "birdie" in the poem and not developing it leaves that line sort of hanging on a tangent. The rhythm is also very irregular so that its almost jerky, with a smooth end rhyme to lines that rhyme but do not coincide. However, the ideas behind the poem, and the imagery of a father and son and the chain yanking at the end, are well developed. In other words, its ok.
 
Inksplurt said...
Nov. 8, 2008 at 8:21 pm
I like the poem. I'm curious, though. When I write, what I write is'nt based of feelings I'm feeling, but on what I think I'm witnessing. Are u doing the same thing, or is this actually about Father?
 
swingin me! said...
Nov. 8, 2008 at 7:12 pm
i dont think this poem deserves the top spot! you must have a lot of friends voting for you because this poem really isnt very good.
 
R.Sophie.J said...
Nov. 7, 2008 at 6:59 pm
That was truly beautiful. I understood your message and i think you have a wonderful talent. The rhythmn is fantastic, well paced and beautifully deliberate. Thanks for sharing x
 
Stormybear said...
Nov. 7, 2008 at 3:42 pm
This poem is very understandable and as I read it I couldn't help but feel for him
 
knot said...
Nov. 7, 2008 at 1:42 am
um... I'm fairly sure this isn't about a father, in the paternal sense. It's about God, and the feeling of being bound to earth. or I'm reading this totally wrong. i guess people find their own meanings in what the read.
 
wonkerz said...
Nov. 6, 2008 at 9:30 pm
well it was ok but a bit disturbing
 
bee booop said...
Nov. 6, 2008 at 9:04 pm
this so totally made ALOT of sense to me and you should keep writing i am encouraging you
 
why said...
Nov. 5, 2008 at 10:29 pm
why has this poem been #1 for so long? just wondering, is there a glitch in the system?
 
Lynn Lyn said...
Nov. 4, 2008 at 7:37 pm
This is a great poem. It really relates to a lot of teenager's relationships with their parents and even teachers sometimes that hold a kid back when they could do more. I love it, keep up the good work!
 
haleyann10 said...
Oct. 28, 2008 at 11:06 pm
cool pome:)
 
wingless_angel_08 said...
Oct. 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm
it was wonderful and passionate. i believe the feeling of bondage from all parents is sad and terribly true. the poem was great you have beautiful talent
 
Hallieinthewings said...
Oct. 28, 2008 at 2:34 am
One more thing I thought I'd add. Personally, I really like rhyming poetry, as well as free formed. Sure, the words may not be extremely complex but I think that helps it to appeal to a wider range in age. Plus the subject of this poem is a son which makes me think it's anywhere from a kid to a young adult and the reader should try to put it in their perspective or whatever suits them best. It was most likely based off personal experience I'm guessing and even if the reader hasn't been in the si... (more »)
 
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