Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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JosephEdward said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 11:26 am
Great idea! It could improve in grammer, and word choice.
HPRGSuperFan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:34 pm
I completely agree! Good start, though:)
applesoranges said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 11:16 am
i likeed it is this about the mexican drug wars
LeviNathanial said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 11:14 am
Good idea! I think that you are right.
Shiblondche said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 10:40 am
Good flow, however it would be more deep or subtle without the capitalization in the end. Overall, the message is one of truth. It is a nice piece.
sweetiepieleesh said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 10:39 am
I can feel the intensity when you talk about drugs and violence, i can almost feel like im there, and I can almost sence that you've been either involved with drugs and violence or someone you care about was.
I_Can_Haz_Derp said...
Feb. 6, 2012 at 9:50 am
RejoiceTheySay... said...
Dec. 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm
i like it alot u seem to have a very innocent but deep voice and i like the contrast of the scary things and innocent voice
McDayn'Night said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:32 pm
night i like the rhyme
belieber said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 5:25 pm
i like the message of this piece, ALOT. you're a good writer :)  but a piece of advice (from a poet myself), try to use a simliar number of syllables in each line, so they flow together more smoothly. good job though :)
Villangel said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I really like this, it speaks the utter most truth. You have a great way of making the words go together.
venom_the_poet said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 2:24 pm



Proof said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:55 am
people people people jeesh why are u so hard on this writer???? if u have any knowledge of poetry u would know tht poetry is an art of self xpression a series of events tht represent who the witer is so ease up on the critique dnt condemn this poem jst becuase of the grammar see this writters vission and their voice
NaiNelson said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm

I agree with what you are saying, but the way you worded it is choppy, and probably not your best.

I do, however, have a problem with the line "You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health." I'm sorry, but to be blunt: that's just a stupid phrase.

kairi.kaylyn replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:05 am
This was good and very reasonable!
mizzfrance said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm
this is amazing. you should keep up the great work ;)
teh_daly said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 2:07 pm

that is deep i wish you would had put your name so you can get dredit....

good job ANONYMOS :)

JakeLong said...
Oct. 27, 2011 at 3:23 am

Here are some tips that may help parents with violent teens:

Cool down - Avoid talking your teen when he/she is still angry or at the height of an emotional outburst. It's also not a good idea to go into their room or territory at home when they are angry. Wait for your teen to cool down before you talk. Some parents even prefer to take their teen outside in a public place in order to have a conversation about their attitude.Acknowledge the problem - Parents oft... (more »)

Lizzy16 said...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 7:08 am
wow this was so amazing. I'm speechless
Doughlann said...
Oct. 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Personally, I have a few problems with idealistic philosophies such as this. However, taking into account that most people do not think like I do nor agree with me, here are a couple pointers that I think many people can agree with:

1) Your conventions could be improved. The punctuation and grammar made the poem slightly painful to read.

2) Please work on your spacing. Although it isn't a huge deal, I found that it made me feel like I was just struggling through reading the poem... (more »)

ellie315 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 11:53 pm
I agree with the message but as piece of work...the rhyme is forced and I'm not getting a sense of connection. This poem is not memorable, nor is it anything special. I am glad to see someone writing about such a true disaster though - what has the world come to?
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