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Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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belieber said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 5:25 pm:
i like the message of this piece, ALOT. you're a good writer :)  but a piece of advice (from a poet myself), try to use a simliar number of syllables in each line, so they flow together more smoothly. good job though :)
 
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Villangel said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 5:08 pm:
I really like this, it speaks the utter most truth. You have a great way of making the words go together.
 
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venom_the_poet said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 2:24 pm:

THIS IS GOOD

 

 
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Proof said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 11:55 am:
people people people jeesh why are u so hard on this writer???? if u have any knowledge of poetry u would know tht poetry is an art of self xpression a series of events tht represent who the witer is so ease up on the critique dnt condemn this poem jst becuase of the grammar see this writters vission and their voice
 
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NaiNelson said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm:

I agree with what you are saying, but the way you worded it is choppy, and probably not your best.

I do, however, have a problem with the line "You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health." I'm sorry, but to be blunt: that's just a stupid phrase.

 
kairi.kaylynThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 10:05 am :
This was good and very reasonable!
 
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mizzfrance said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm:
this is amazing. you should keep up the great work ;)
 
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teh_daly said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 2:07 pm:

that is deep i wish you would had put your name so you can get dredit....

good job ANONYMOS :)

 
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JakeLong said...
Oct. 27, 2011 at 3:23 am:

Here are some tips that may help parents with violent teens:

Cool down - Avoid talking your teen when he/she is still angry or at the height of an emotional outburst. It's also not a good idea to go into their room or territory at home when they are angry. Wait for your teen to cool down before you talk. Some parents even prefer to take their teen outside in a public place in order to have a conversation about their attitude.Acknowledge the problem - Parents oft... (more »)

 
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Lizzy16 said...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 7:08 am:
wow this was so amazing. I'm speechless
 
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Doughlann said...
Oct. 22, 2011 at 5:30 pm:

Personally, I have a few problems with idealistic philosophies such as this. However, taking into account that most people do not think like I do nor agree with me, here are a couple pointers that I think many people can agree with:

1) Your conventions could be improved. The punctuation and grammar made the poem slightly painful to read.

2) Please work on your spacing. Although it isn't a huge deal, I found that it made me feel like I was just struggling through reading the poem... (more »)

 
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ellie315 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 11:53 pm:
I agree with the message but as piece of work...the rhyme is forced and I'm not getting a sense of connection. This poem is not memorable, nor is it anything special. I am glad to see someone writing about such a true disaster though - what has the world come to?
 
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garthgirl8888 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 11:12 pm:
This is okay I guess, just not very original. Perhaps you could add a personal anecdote or two?
 
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SqueakyLove said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm:
this is AMAZING!!! finally someone is speaking the TRUTH!!
 
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Jrpete98 said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm:
This is really good. The way you describe it just gets to me (in a good way of course).
 
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Babytazz95 said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm:
you went the right way with this poem it is very true that things need to change teens are sensitiv and people dont see that
 
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glimmer said...
Oct. 19, 2011 at 11:12 am:

Good Job!

Though there were a couple changes that could be made, the message of this poem is very powerful. When I read it I felt a truthful and sincerety to it.

I congratulate you immensely for getting into the magazine. Don't let haters get you down! You should be really proud:)

 
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Kavishg This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 27, 2011 at 5:31 pm:
Powerful.  I love the formatting, the lack of spaces; it makes it very heartfelt.  Many pieces nowadays seem forced and monotonous, with perfect formatting and grammar (not that that is a bad). This seems like an account of one who has been deeply impacted by this violence.  Great work.
 
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Jesse-Marie- said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 8:34 pm:
I think you need to add spaces, like when you said, 'They layon', Lay and on are two different words :] Hope I helped!
 
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SecretSearcher This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm:
I find it ironic that this poem is about "stopping the violence", and yet, people are fighting about it. I'm not sure whether it's appropriate to laugh.. but I'm laughing. (By the way, kudos to people who gave advice instead of just saying negative things.)
 
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