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Stop The Violence This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   Drugs all over under the ground.
Guns, people crying, putting each otherdown.
People every day do crazy things.
Buying fancy cars and a lot ofrings.
You have nothing to show for yourself.
You're dying on the inside,and you have bad health.
I wonder what the community can do.
I have noidea, not even a clue.
I look in the paper and I see someone dead.
They layon the stretcher like it was a bed.
The mothers stand in silence.
Peopleshould think TO STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 190 comments. Post your own!

ilovedayna said...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm:
i think you're headed the right direction with your writing, just bring it closer, describe more about what's going on. put yourself in it more. it sounds like you needed to jump into the situation more. Show your feelings and exaggerate some, too.
 
NattyPie replied...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm :
I agree, but the subject is still good.
 
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melissa28 said...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm:
This poem could use some work but keep trying.
 
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Anasunny said...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 11:30 am:
This was obviously a first draft, no offense, but improve the grammar and rhyme and I think it would be okay
 
Lahari replied...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm :

This is poorly written, not sure why its in the Mag. The rhyming is just there. It doesn't add to the poem, it takes away from it. 

But. . keep trying though. :)

 
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Mehr K. said...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 11:30 am:

I agree with Liveinthemoment...

It was okay but i dont like it too much. something so serious should be portrayed seriously as well

 

 
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VampiresEverywhere said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 9:57 pm:
its OK... but I agree with LiveInTheMoment
 
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LiveInTheMoment said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 4:15 pm:
I personally don't love this poem. It reminds me of something somebody would do the morning the assignment was due. I also felt that the topic was serious, but the way it was delivered was childish. I felt as if you were mocking the subject.
 
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misssabrina said...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 2:48 pm:
The message was great, but the rhyme scheme was only there to make the poem rhyme. That in my opinion takes away from the message, because of the low level diction and the incorrect word usage, just to make the poem rhyme. This poem has no emotion in it, it reminds me of a 6th grade essay or something. Im sorry but whoever wrote this really needs to search their heart and write about things that actually mean something to them so that the reader can feel passion from their work!
 
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ellie315This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 1:19 am:
Well, if they meant it to be that way it's ineffective. Not to be rude, but I do not like this poem. The concept is important and we should all think about it but still; the rhyming - what does it add? The words sound illfitting and like they were only used because they rhymed. Personally, I think the poem doesn't do the issue justice. It sounds juvenille.
 
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ellie315This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 1:17 am:

The message is good but the rhyme scheme is innaffective and the diction is...sub-par.

This got published in the magazine?

 
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push4ice said...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 6:02 pm:
i agree. i mean yes this poem sends a good message but wheres the creativity? if poetry on teen ink is being reduced to simple rhyme schemes and such whats the use of posting anything?
 
Shabaka11 replied...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 12:11 am :
thank you so much for saying that! I like the idea, though it's been somewhat beaten to death, but it seems so juvenile! C'mon, teenink, I understand we support everyone but this really isn't up to snuff.
 
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XBLGamerz said...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 10:21 am:
it gives you an idea the the warm fuzzy world is not so warm and fuzzy
 
NattyPie replied...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm :

Most defintely.

 

 
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LastChapter said...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm:
i have to agree. i'd like to think i don't just insult people's work, but actually give them tips and ideas they can work and improve off of, but i think that was already said. to blunt, obvious. it didn't give the reader anything to relate to, or stop and think "whoa. that really happens. that's terrible." there was nothing to grasp. i found it dry, uncreative, and too many sing-song easy rhymes. the world has a lot of problems, next time, aim smaller, pick something specific, and really make i... (more »)
 
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harold walter bisset said...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 9:10 am:
this poem is very inpiring but you shou show this on tv it a good poem
 
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Chuck Norris said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 9:15 am:
wow, this world is a bad place
 
harold walter bisset replied...
Jan. 21, 2011 at 9:12 am :
yea we all live in it
 
LastChapter replied...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm :
its bad because we make it that way. it's totally preventable if we can all just stop being such @ $ $es
 
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LeleP said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 10:57 pm:
Nice job!
 
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