Unconquerable Soul (Previously known as Duty: To Heart)

September 6, 2012
By AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)


Summary:

Bellona Kingsire is just trying to enjoy her life as the teenaged daughter of one of Sector 1's government Representatives. She spends her days riding her horse, hanging out with best friends Ian Benning and Piper Thomas, spending time with her friend and bodyguard Dudley McGrahm, trying to talk to her crush, and otherwise taking peace for granted. After all, the Chaos wiped out life as we know it over 80 years ago, and the half-billion people left spent enough time rebuilding a "foolproof" society in the midst of all the destruction that she can't see them wanting to fight ever again.

But not everyone feels that way. Behind closed doors, small evils are creeping in, bruised faces and hidden drugs. And in the Badlands - the areas deemed too damaged by chemical and nuclear war to be habitable - roaming tribes are getting restless. Their people are itching for war, and the people of the Coalition Sectors are deluded by peace. Unfortunately for Bella, Dudley, Ian, and Piper, they will find themselves in the middle when the carefully crafted world falls apart. Can they survive?


AsIAm

Unconquerable Soul (Previously known as Duty: To Heart)


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This book has 21 comments.


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 21 2013 at 1:26 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thank you so much! Don't worry about not reading it - I forgot too! haha I'm working on a final revision, and trying to spread the info out a little bit more. :) As for your other questions, a "girth" is the thing that you put on a horse to keep the saddle on, or a measure of width. I can't remember the context I was using it in, to be honest. :P And I did mean for Bella's voice to sound different - I'm hoping (not sure if it worked) that the rest of the story makes it increasingly clear that everybody has "public faces" that aren't really true at all. Thank you again for the critique!

on Mar. 31 2013 at 9:30 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

Oh my gosh…it just hit me that I never read this like I said I would. I am SO sorry, but I honestly forgot. You probably don’t even remember me it’s been so long. I’m the girl who wrote The Girl’s Games: the 71st Hunger Games. You read and gave me a super awesome review so I’m going (hopefully) do the same for you! First off, the prologue was absolutely captivating. The language was fluent and very easy to read so awesome on that! “Broad smiles sparkle in the light of the chandelier as champagne glasses clink together” Perfect way to introduce the setting!! Whoa, you’re introducing a TON of new information in a very short time period. I can understand if that’s needed for the story, but if possibly, try to spread it out a little more so it’s easier to absorb. “lighting up as she beams” seems kind of redundant to me. I may be stupid but what on Earth is a ‘girth’?! What on Earth is a girth sounds like a Dr. Seuss book…Anyway. “I’m going to take my leave” Did you mean to make her language sound different? By saying that, it makes her sound more sophisticated and such. Not sure if that was the goal or not. Alright, I’m calling it; Chand is hot. Now that that’s out there, I really hope to see more of him and not just because he’s attractive but he seems really interesting too:).  Also, I am digging the names! Chand, Brogan, Goffert. Awesome! I really liked the news articles bit, very interesting. You’re doing an excellent job of building up this feeling of a pot boiling over (the world and all the Sectors are the pot). I can feel the tense atmosphere. Alright, I’m gonna stop after the first chapter FOR NOW. I have all intentions of coming back to it tomorrow and I really want to keep reading but I’ve school work I have to do. Overall, you’ve done a flipping fantastic job. There’s grammatical errors but I don’t care about that. You’ve set up a believable and intriguing atmosphere. Bella is a likeable and interesting character with her lineage. Chand is hot, Dudley’s awesome (I keep thinking of the Harry Potter Dudley though…). The only critique I have is just to spread out the information more, but everything else seems right in line. I hope this helps, thanks again for reading my story, and I’m looking forward to reading more in the next couple of days!!

on Jan. 29 2013 at 11:34 pm
AlexanderIvanAshford BRONZE, Hope Mills, North Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"He didn't know if he was a man who had dreamt he was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he was a man."-Zhuangzi

Amazing book! Love Dudley, love the focus on war. Love the detail in the characters feelings and how they develop!

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 1 2012 at 7:46 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thanks! :)

on Sep. 29 2012 at 4:31 pm
FlameSeeker373 SILVER, Richmond, Texas
6 articles 3 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...Magic is just science that we don't understand yet..."


















Arthur C. Clark

I have read a little so far and i already like it. Good job so far. I must now return to my mission of finishing this book! :)

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 27 2012 at 8:59 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thanks :) Could you be a little more detailed? I'll do the same for you.

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 27 2012 at 8:58 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thanks so much! :)

Honour SILVER said...
on Sep. 26 2012 at 12:04 pm
Honour SILVER, New London, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 181 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. ~John 15:13

"Give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery" ~ Thomas Jefferson

Just finished, you had to leave off at that spot!? :P It's good so far, there are somethings, like I noticed once you replaced 'they' for 'then', that could be TI and autocorrect though.  Anyway good job, AsIAm!! :D :D

on Sep. 24 2012 at 3:02 am
Vagabond SILVER, New Delhi, Other
8 articles 0 photos 107 comments

Favorite Quote:
Every end is a new beginning;
What a caterpillar calls an end the rest of the world calls a butterfly;
"Begining are normally sacary endings are normally sad,
it's in the middle which makes life worth living"

Amaaaazzzziiiinnnng!! i loved it!!
ADORABLE!!
mind checking my works too :)

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 16 2012 at 9:05 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thanks :) 

on Sep. 16 2012 at 8:44 am
ShannonLil99 GOLD, Ongar, Other
10 articles 1 photo 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Why should I care what other people think of me? I am who I am. And who I wanna be.'


















- Avril Lavigne

It's really good and is full of description. Maybe its a bit long, but books tend to be. I enjoyed reading it x

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 12 2012 at 6:44 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thanks so much! :) I hope you continue to like it, and if you see anything that needs to be changed, don't be afraid to tell me. :) God bless you and your family too. :)

Honour SILVER said...
on Sep. 11 2012 at 8:43 am
Honour SILVER, New London, Connecticut
9 articles 0 photos 181 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. ~John 15:13

"Give me liberty or give me death!" ~Patrick Henry

Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who marches with you; he will never fail you or forsake you. ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

"I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery" ~ Thomas Jefferson

So I've read 6 chapter so far.  And I love the reletionship between Bella nd Dudley, it's a good story so far.  Great job so far, AsIAm.  And I'm sure the story will just get better and better. :D  God bless  and protect you and your family!

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 5:25 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Thanks so much, for compliment and criticism alike! So helpful, and I'm glad it was so long. :) I'm really sorry about the heinous abuse of formatting - that was a Teenink thing - and I'll work on those other issues too. Thanks again!

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 5:22 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

It certainly does :) Thanks so much.

on Sep. 8 2012 at 5:14 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

This didn't seperate my feedback into different sections like I set it up to be- sorry about that!

on Sep. 8 2012 at 5:13 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

Okay! So I've only read a few chapters so far, but I think that's enough for me to give you at least some feedback...   I'll start with the positive: -I think it's extremely well-written. There weren't any discernible grammatical errors, as far as I can tell. -The descriptions are just wonderful- they make the story more enjoyable as a whole. -I really like the idea you have for this. It's very interesting, and each chapter, you let the reader know just enough to want to keep reading, and I think that takes talent. -I think the prologue does a VERY good job of pulling the reader in, and it makes me curious about the rest of the story and how it leads to that, motivating me to continue reading. -I think the characters are very well-developed, and that makes it more enjoyable to read as well. -“The smile on his face is more restrained, as if his mouth has forgotten how it feels to be without burden.” I just really loved the way you put this.   Now, the criticism: -The organization, when it comes to separation of paragraphs, could be better. I don't know if that's just a Teen Ink issue, but it makes it kind of difficult to read. -In the first chapter, I think it would be better if everything about the government wasn't explained at once, but rather given in doses, so it's easier to absorb. The onslaught of information makes it difficult to focus and actually remember everything you're trying to say. -Maybe it's just me, but the use of third person omniscient is kind of off-putting. When you spend most of a chapter following everything that Bella is thinking and doing, and then switch to another character without much transition, it can be disorienting, and make it hard to understand who's thinking what- even if you are reading carefully. -In chapter two, when the drill sergeant is yelling at Dudley, the use of all caps is just honestly unpleasant to read. I understand and appreciate what you're trying to do there, but I don't think using all capital letters is the way to get your point across.   Overall, I really liked it. I think you are an extremely talented writer, and I really look forward to continuing reading this! Sorry if this is really long!

Boota BRONZE said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 5:05 pm
Boota BRONZE, N/A, South Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bowties are cool!

no problem with my inner perfectionist coming out to help, i try not to be one, but i will if it helps.

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 4:44 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

I'm glad both of you guys are taking the time to read it, and Boota, I'm happy you think it's well written. :) I hope as you two read on, it starts to seem different from the Hunger Games to you. While I adore that series, that's not what I was going for at all, and (I hope) the time frame and use of numbers as geographical labels are as far as the similarities go. :) If you guys have any inner evil writing critic inside of you, I hope it decides to come  out now; I'd love any suggestions/complaints/thoughts you have, and the more specific and nitpicky, the better! :D Thanks again for reading - is there anything you want me to look at?

Boota BRONZE said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 4:02 pm
Boota BRONZE, N/A, South Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bowties are cool!

I agree with DiffrentTeen, it does sound a little bit like the hunger games from wat i read. Its certantly interesting, but its well, kinda of hard to take it all in... you need to read it in short segments. but it is really descriptive all well written from wat i read.




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