I realized today I lost my first letter to you and I mourned for the

words that finally made me feel.

I held back tears as I struggled to remember words I’d written so

many months ago.

My stomach turned with the thought of never getting back my first

real conversation with you.

I’m not sure why it hurt so bad.

I never intended you to read it but I always wanted you to feel it.

I always wanted to feel it,

This hurt I’ve never been able to speak about aloud.

But then I realized it wasn’t my first letter to you

Everything is a letter to you for all my work stems from the seed of

my needing you.

I realized I could never not write to you,

Not until you finally wrote me back.

I can’t bring back these words that made me feel but I can bring

forth ones that make me speak.

I’m glad I lost that letter to you for maybe now I’ll finally send all

the rest.