Pitampura, 1984
 

cars buzzing around
on the busy streets of Delhi
honking angrily at each other
like enemies impatiently waiting to attack

I wake up to the sounds;
The cars, the street vendors, the white noise of the tv blaring
the dust flying in through the window
My eyes are blinded by the sun

---

I board the yellow crowded bus with children screaming fighting yelling
I sit with a girl in my class and close my eyes trying to block out all the chaos

I’m wearing my newly ironed blouse and my pleated skirt
my black shiny flats have already turned brown from the dust
The heat already creating
sweat stains under my arms

I struggle to keep my eyes open
I had stayed up last night studying

The bus finally parks in front of the
large building, the Indian flag
Blowing in the wind
The colors orangewhitegreen
merging into the sky along with the sun

I stand in the lines of hundreds of students at assembly
I hear the Indian National Anthem playing and bow
my head in respect

New day, but nothing new

------

I come home before my siblings
the clothes still hanging from the line
  Only getting dirtier from the dust

a headache gnaws at my brain
eating parts of it constantly

I walk into the tiny kitchen, the house girl is cleaning
she is wearing a shaggy sari, its colors fading fast
she nods to me in servitude almost
Fear
Trying not to make eye contact as if
I will taunt her

I make tea for grandma in her grey mug and walk upstairs to her bedroom
the painting of Shiva lines the bedstand
On the verge of falling
the tv box is screaming but she’s sleeping, like there is nothing wrong
Nothing at all
I set the warm cup at her bedside table and walk out quietly, turning off the television on my way out, not wanting to wake her

My eyes are heavy with fatigue
My clothes damp
i jump into the cold shower and try to relax, unable
To scrub off
this burden of
responsibility

Two Hearts Sinking into a Dark Hole
 

Best friends forever
they say
little do they know it's likely untrue

It hurts when you ditch on our plans, I say
she walks away into the darkness of the night, not caring to answer

I sit in the light that once was
a cloud now hovering above me
she pulls me into the darkness with her.

"I know you" she always says assuming my every next move
I can feel her crawling up my neck like a spider
on top of me for everything
“No, you don't” I say
We murder each other back and forth, using our words like weapons
"your thought process is incorrect"
"stop taking everything so seriously"
"you need to calm down"
"This isn’t you, stop"

I don't think anyone knows anyone, even the person themselves
yet she thinks she does

she confines me
Telling me what I can and cannot do
I feel locked up...no freedom even breathe

And the worst part is
She doesn’t acknowledge it
Does she even realize how I feel? 

"let me talk"
"listen to me!"
“You never listen to me”
We are so caught up in expressing our point, we forget to listen
To even hear
Each other out
Caught up in ourselves
we forget that we are best friends
we forget us

inside though, both of our hearts have shattered
to the ground, all hope gone
I'm empty
an empty jar of nothingness

Our egos have replaced our souls and
we throw blames onto each other like they're water balloons
bursting at any minute
Only this time with fire
Behind screens and texts, we are both in tears and rage.
The bickering and arguing have taken over our beings
  We cannot stop

I can't sleep amidst all this pain
I'm drowning in boiling rage

I burn to ashes.

The Endless Night Full of LIGHT and Nothing Else
 

the hustle bustle of tourists
fill the streets like zooming cars
snapping pictures of the universe
which is endless with infinite beauty
without even trying
The water laughs with the wind
The sun aligns with the sky
The flowers bloom in awe

pretty girls and handsome boys pose for a photo
kissing, smiling, loving like there is no one watching, like it’s just them
bowties the colours of the rainbow, and dresses shimmering into the night
forcing all eyes upon her
even I can’t resist

behind them, the ocean roars against the rocks
the sun gives up and sets into the water
peacefully knowing that she is beautiful
she really is

the sky is orange and red and yellow. It awaits the night
with patience and contentment
knowing this will come again tomorrow; she can be like this again…
Hope is what keeps her smiling

meanwhile, the sailboats rest at the curb
gathering waiting passengers
restaurants fill with fancy dates and gatherings
bookstores lend themselves to ambitious readers
strawberry ice cream melts onto a little boy’s cheek and
he laughs like there is no pain in this world
only this moment
exists

The scent of summer washes over us like a fluorescent rainbow
Just LIGHT and nothing else
only us

I hold onto her hand tight
she’s the sun and the rain and the LIGHT
she’s the excitement and the anticipation and the love
She’s everything

Yet the night has just begun
where will it take us?