I remind myself of a time bomb
waiting to go off.
I’ve punched and broken my laptop
twice,
because of a videogame.
The feeling of glass on my knuckles
doesn’t trouble me anymore. 
I’ve thrown my phone
at smooth walls and rough ground so many times
That the thunking sound is engraved in my mind.
I swing first and ask questions later.

I remind myself of a goldfish.
I open my mouth
but can’t fish out any words.
I don’t like to talk to people when I have an issue or need help,
like when I try to raise my hand
but gravity has a different plan for me,
or when my mom’s old boyfriend
stuck his fork
into my stuffed pork chop,
and stole it
because I moved to my corn.
I kept quiet, like always.

I remind myself of the saying,
“If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?”
Well, duh I would. I gotta know why they jumped or it’s gonna kill me.
I always want to know the
what if’s.
About two months ago,
on the highway,
I tried to put my truck into park,
just to see if I could,
I always keep wondering.