I remember only parts of the life that I left behind in my homeland.
I remember the days when I used to dress up as a tomboy.
I remember every time I come across durian fruit, my nose would wrinkle at its smell.
I remember holding my breaths and staying away whenever my family brought durain home.
I remember the time when my only friend left. I cried.
I remember the sweet moments when I sucked on sugarcane sticks.
I remember when I became the troublemaker in my grade because I was lonely.
I remember the nights my parents took me out to see the ocean under the night skies.
I remember the trips to the bustling marketplace near my apartment with my mum.
I remember the time I would hover above the smell of fresh coconut milk.
I remember the lasting pain when I hurt my knee when crossing the street with my mum.
I remember the times when my father got mad at me. He used to hit me with a cloth hanger. But my mum would save me and comforted me later every time.
I remember the sharp pain when I stabbed myself with a pencil. The lead point that broke off from the pencil is still embedded beneath my skin. Sometimes I feel the tingling sensation.
I remember the pure happiness every time my mum and I went to the cookie house.
I remember the promise I made with my next door neighbor friend. I promised that I was going to come back after a few months. But I never did. Often times I wondered how different would my life be if I did returned.
I remember every time we got coconut jam, we would hoped it would last, but by the end of a week the jar was empty.
I remember holding onto a pillow as I walked through the airport gates for the first time.
I remember the first time I flew on an airplane. Even to this day I can picture the land and people disappearing beyond my sight.
I remember why I fear bees.
I remember the tomato dish my grandma used to make for me every time we had lunch. I never got tired of it.
I remember the day I lost my sandals near the beach.
I remember how much I loved my cousin. And I love her still, despite the fact that we did not keep in contact.
I remember how much I regretted not spending more time with my cousins that I didn't know even existed then.
I remember the first time I really want to learn to drive a motorcycle.
I remember the days when my cousin took me out. Not one day had gone by was I not spoiled.
I remember the one time I made my mum cry. I wanted to move out by myself, knowing that I was too young to take care of myself. We cried together in the end.
I remember the first series I read: The Twilight series and I fell in love with it.
I remember the nights my sister cried by herself when she thought I was asleep.
I remember the time I’d never want to fall in love because I was afraid of getting hurt.
I remember the dreams of becoming a professional patissier.
I remember the dreams of falling and waking up flustered.
I remember why I feared heights.
I remember playing poker with my family.
I remember the day I received a green dice.
I remember what young love meant.
I remember the days I had friends who were younger than me.
I remember the days when my after school prep served us a slice of bread with butter on top.
I remember when I wore my hair dressed as devil horns to elementary school. (My friends still called them “devil horns”.)
I remember when I went shopping in the New York City for the first time.
I remember when I used to love saying: “curiosity killed the cat”.
I remember playing airplane.
I remember when I thought I could be a singer. You would find me singing in the shower, holding the showerhead pretending it was a microphone and sang.
I remember when I dreamt of having my own world, a whole imaginative place where shadowhunters came to life.
I remember when I started to show interest in photography.
I remember my mum humming and singing to a silent tune in the kitchen.
I remember when I sliced my finger on a letter.
I remember the pains I went through when my wounds get infected.
I remember the time when cried out: “I hate you!” to my mum.
I remember the time when I tried to hurt my sister.
I remember the times when I used to cry in the shower to hide my tears.