dear god.

you still up there? last time i spoke to you i still had my innocence and my virginity so i'm checking because i'm simply not sure.

i look back on my life and i don't see much evidence of you. maybe that one time i hotboxed my car and drove home and there was a police car behind me but i didn't get pulled. and now that i think about it maybe you were there the time i went to that party and drank a little too much and swallowed a few too many pills and i woke up the next morning safe in my bed. other than that, you've been pointedly absent.

what's the deal man? i used to see you all the time, in everything and everyone. i used to hang out with you and invite others to join and we all had a great time but it's been a while since that happened. it seems like you've gone AWOL. like at least leave a note or a voicemail or something. s***, you didn't even say goodbye.

where have you been? what have you been doing? every single time i turn on the news, another horrible thing has happened. another child has cancer, another dozen people were shot. just this morning, the headline was "man in hedgehog suit shot after tv station bomb threat". are you seeing this, god? are you even watching anymore?

friends of mine say you're still hanging around. they're over at your house all the time, going to parties you've thrown and telling stories about all the cool things you've done. but last time i showed up at your door, there definitely wasn't anybody home.

in retrospect, i've been doing all right. the sun still comes up in the morning and sets at night in the most fantastic display of colors and emotions. i sit and examine the horizon as it absorbs the warmth and leaves the sky dark, and a part of me misses the time we spent together. mostly, though, i simply ponder when i'll see you again, if ever.

if i don't see you again, this is my final goodbye to my dear old friend.

best wishes. come visit sometime.