I used to think that you paying attention to me meant something. I used to think that the way you looked at me showed how you felt about me. I used to think that the way you'd touch my skin was the way you told me how beautiful I was.

And that was my mistake.

I expected for you to have feelings for someone who had flaws and tried to hide them. I expected you to see past my stomach rolls and look at the soul inside of me. I expected you to want to love someone who couldn't even love herself.

I'm sorry.

I put you so high up on this pedestal that there is no way for you to come down without crashing.  I'm sorry, I should have never let you go up into the clouds, because you're flying so high that I can't even see you anymore. I can only see your wings made out of melting wax, and I  let you go so high that I can't catch you anymore, without destroying myself in the process... and yet I'd do it anyways.

That is my next mistake.

I can't let you leave my life, because you've become a constant that I've become attached to. You have been in my sights every day for so long that I can't remember how to live life happily without thinking of you at all. I let you crawl inside my mind and build a home there using the walls you tore down to build your own solid house. And with you being in my mind so often, I began to want you to stay there, even though I knew I couldn't let myself need you.

But I never learn.