You said you would come back...

That was eight years ago...

I've always wanted you to be there for me, but you never were.
You weren’t there when I needed you; when I went through hell I prayed you would come and save me... It never happened.

I wanted you to dress up with me for the father and daughters dance. I wanted you to dance on the stage looking at me as if I were the most beautiful girl you had ever seen...

All you ever did was take me and my brother to Burger King. I remember you always getting a fish sandwich.. Me and my brother Michael ate our burgers you ate yours and back home we went..

We never had a real conversation.. You never seem interested in me or Michael.. Whenever I was with you, I felt like I was with a complete stranger.

I remember you always wore a baseball cap with those denim jeans
held up by a black leather belt, with a collared plain t-shirt that you tucked in.
I just wanted a relationship with you.
I wanted to know things about you, I wanted to know the man who called himself my father.

As I got older I understood things clearer
And I learned things about you, that made me think of you differently.

It's come to a point that whenever I think of you,

my stomach cringes.

You told my mom to terminate her pregnancy; I'm your child; how could you be so heartless?

I always wonder if you would accept the fact that I have a child of my own. It would be like deja vu, but instead of my mom you would be telling me to get an abortion.

You didn’t care whether or not I was killed or l lived; I was your daughter, your flesh and blood. I really don’t think you could have any care in the world about my son.

I don't know whether to hate you or to forgive you. I hide how I feel, I say I don't care.

Its because I don't want rejection. I don't want to feel deserted all over again. I replay the image of you walking away to your truck me in my mothers arms after you guys’ argued.

I didn’t know what was going on, or what the problem was...
I was confused as to why you walked away without a hug or a “see you next week”..

You didn’t even turn around to say goodbye to me.
I watched as you drove off in your black truck.. angry.

My mother caressed my head as we walked up the wooden porch leading back to our small apartment.

I want to have a bond with you,
but another part of me want nothing to do with you.

I hold back tears whenever I think about you. I don't want anyone to see me cry,
because I don't want people to think- without you I am not strong.

There's this void in my life.

Something is missing... It's you.

I'm a good person.
So why did you leave me?

You're absent in my life ...
and you still make me feel worthless.

You abandoned me...
like I meant nothing to you.

I hope one day I lose this obsession of wanting a relationship; with someone who doesn't want anything;
to do with me...