It's a burning touch-

This mindless, cold addiction

I settle in the calming brush

And create a new addition.

I think back to things I've learned

In my short, upsetting life

And wonder why I do this to myself

And wonder why I do this to everyone else.

It's unsufferable--how blind

Can't they see it?

I don't try to hide it so well

I'm deathly afraid of them learning how I cope

But I believe I'm damned if I do it--

And I'm still damned if I don't

And I like it but I really hate it

And myself, too, I hate it

But I love who I've become from it

And this was so long ago

The spring is crisp and warm and I love it

And when I'm tired I like to run my fingers along the scars

I'll show you I care about myself, loved ones,

You never knew I didn't but I'll show you

I'll keep my poison secret and I'll keep it to myself

But I'm a whole year clean this June.