To Life, You Sweet Sorrow, You Gift-Wrapped Curse, You Devilish God:

I don’t know where you and I got off on the wrong foot or what I said to you that made you think that we could never be friends, but let me tell you whatever bad little deed I did to you, you blew out of proportion. I never complained you were too easy, nor that the situations you put me through were too hard until now. Life, you’ve gone too far.

You gave me my existence, brought me into this world a healthy child. Maybe you made my mother suffer through having me, didn’t let me go out the natural way, had to have the doctors cut me free, but you made me healthy.

You made me a good child, a bright child, one that followed what her mother said and obediently smiled and nodded when told to do so. A curious child that wanted to know more and wasn’t afraid to voice her soul.

You made me something loveable in all the hearts that met me.

But then you made all around me suffer. That father of mine, oh his wretched soul. His addled mind filled with violent fantasies, encouraged and enriched by drugs. What violence he caused, what terror he brought! So many days in his company my family wept and felt pain, because of the way his brought up by you. Those horrible creatures that were his parents, why would you ever bless them with the gift of a child.

You’re sick at times, you’re a sick, sick angel.

I fought you. I fought the circumstances you put me through. My name means so much more to me when I weigh it among my accomplishments. My smarts, my A’s, they are never going to be important as the victories I’ve won against you. I freed my mother, the maiden trapped in the castle guarded by the fearsome dragon of abuse and neglect, but you imprisoned me for it. Dragged me away to another life and tried to convince me it was mine.

A genie’s curse for that life was the one I had heard of, the one I dreamed of. No violence existed there, never the question of money in the air, but you sucked my personality dry, tried to reshape me into someone worse. Did I let you! I did indeed for I was blind, I was blinded by your lies. My mother, the maiden turned valiant warrior was not and she took me back to my lands, to  my life.

We lived a life away from the dragon, away from the genie, but it was a struggle. The troll of poverty did not let us live peacefully. It’s hooligans conducted their nightly raids, plundering and pillaging as they pleased.

We fought on. Oh how we fought on.

Many would have given up. Forget their smarts, forget their imagination, forget every gift given to them at birth, but not me. You could take everything from me again and again, but if you think I would lie down and let you get away with it you’re wrong.

Not when I suffered physical injuries. You preferred emotional blows, but I guess the same song and dance gets old fast. Do you think a brain injury would keep me from doing what I do best? Winning.

Maybe I’m not such a hot shot on the track anymore and maybe you’ve crippled my confidence enough in musical pursuits that I don’t ever want to take it a step further, but I won’t let go of my guaranteed shot at a future. Knowledge is the only power I will never relinquish to you.

You won’t stop me from being someone great.

Even while my physical body deteriorates, as my mentality crumples, I will find a way through. Right now, however, right now we’ve reached a draw.

You realized emotional and physical stress didn’t work so well alone, you combined them. You want to see my fall, I see it in your eyes. While you keep me from sleeping, I will rebel and write this.

My own mother had a glimpse of your co-partner, death. You truly are a cruel player. While I’m injured and dealing with pain that I never imagined, while I am stressed about tying up loose ends, you light the match and throw me from the frying pan and into the flames.

Ironic the basketball game I miss raising money for heart awareness is the problem you push onto her. Her heart, her battered, bruised heart. She’s fought with it for so long, she’s treated it right. In fact, the doctors were surprised someone formerly plagued with obesity could recover and treat a heart so rightly. Yet that’s just the part of her you decide should stop working all of a sudden.

You found my weakness. Does it make you happy? I can’t manage myself, my mom and all of her responsibilities and my own and so you happily pile them onto me while I can barely stand. All that’s left is the finishing blow? Are you going to deliver it?

My own heart aches, it beats tiredly in this young chest. The news that I won’t be able to return to school so soon hangs over my head. The pile of homework and bills grows in front of me. My mom’s weak movements and fragile voice play out like a darkening film in front of me. I don’t know who’s going to stop you this time; I can’t beat you life, I just can’t.

So to you Life, to you I ask, that you stop this madness now. You’ve gone too far and unless you  stop, I may have no choice but to disappear. Spare me; jutt out your hand, pull me back up and take me to stable land. I’ll forget the pain you’ve brought me, and I’ll dip the past in gold. It’ll just be another tale behind me, another story I’ve told.

Just let us be friends, Life. Sincerely, Angelica