For a second it seems like meaningless fun,

Glances trailing across the room

Lead to smiles and eventual pull towards one another

The flirtatious banter over a drink, or two

Then leads to three drinks and maybe a shot if you're feeling generous

Generous as you put it

And you'll compliment me

Tell me my hair looks lovely and that I am the most beautiful girl in this whole bar

And stupidly, I fall completely for it

I mean, why wouldn't I?

I feel like I am ugly

And having a handsome boy like you tell me I'm pretty really making me feel special

And I like feeling special who doesn't?

So you grab me, around the waist

A little formal but having you by my side comes at a price

And I learned later that I had a price to pay too

Those drinks you bought me, and that shot because I had to "loosen up" were not for free

It got late, around 2 am and it was time to head home

You held my hand and called for a taxi, back to your place

"I am sure I'll be fine," I call to my friend

"He is a total gentleman he will take care of me."

"Ok I love you," she calls as she waltzes into her cab

"I love you too," I whisper as I'm pulled into mine.

We get back to your place

It is nice, needs a few touchups

The paint on the walls is peeling, and there are beer cans covering the floor

But boys will be boys I say to myself and hand him my coat

"Come upstairs," he says, "We can watch television. What is your favorite show?"

I climb the stairs into the dark above, stumbling as the alcohol clouds my balance

As I get upstairs I lay down, ready to sleep

The alcohol has taken a toll on me, and all my brain urges for sleep

"Not so fast," he says as he lays upon me, "We still have to have some fun."

Is this supposed to be fun?

I did not think this was fun.

I did not like being pinned down like a picture to a wall.

I did not like being undressed, from only my bottom down

I did not like that my "no" did not mean anything to him

I did not like that this boy, who I was merely exchanging glances with from across the room was making me feel as if I was merely something for his pleasure with no feelings of my own

I did not have fun

But according to him, it was my price to pay

For all those drinks he bought me

And that shot because I needed to, "Loosen up."

In the beginning, it seemed like meaningless fun

For a second