First Love | Teen Ink

First Love

August 9, 2015
By futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
615 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare


Child of God's boundless mercy

Is that I?

It's me and so many more

The one God cried for

Sent His only Son to die for

I came to You, trying hard to believe

You could really love me

It hurts to say I left You and went away

Left You like a daddy leaves his child today

Because I couldn't feel You

Couldn't feel You hug me

Couldn't hear You say You loved me

But I could feel him

Could feel him hug me

Could feel him say he loved me

But then he left me

The way I left You

Did You once feel the way I do?

Oh, Jesus, are You heartbroken, too?



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This article has 8 comments.


on Aug. 14 2015 at 11:56 am
futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
615 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare

Thank you!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 14 2015 at 3:52 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

On my profile, under the "My Work" tab, I see an Edit button below each published article. I've never tried to use this feature myself, but I've seen pieces edited, so I know it somehow works. :P Good luck!

on Aug. 13 2015 at 11:37 am
futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
615 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare

Hey, do you know of any way to edit already published work?

on Aug. 13 2015 at 11:35 am
futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
615 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare

That's what I was thinking. Thank you!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 12 2015 at 6:27 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

*especially because the sheep/shepherd imagery already has a strong association with the relationship between God and his children in the Bible, so it fits well with the other language of the poem.

Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 12 2015 at 6:26 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Yes. :) I think it would be perfect.

on Aug. 12 2015 at 10:52 am
futurista12 ELITE, Far Rockaway, New York
615 articles 1 photo 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And though she be but little, she is fierce."- Shakespeare

Believe me, none of this is done purposely. I just write what comes to my head. You seem really good at writing. What do you think about me interchanging the line "Left You like a daddy leaves his child today" with "Left You like a little lamb going astray?" Please reply. Thanks!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 12 2015 at 3:14 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I'm not Christian, so I often find that it's hard for me to relate to a lot of the religiously-themed poetry on this sight, but this one struck a chord. It's ingenius--the parallel you've drawn and the way you end your thoughts with a question directed heavenward. You've perfectly captured an incredibly relatable experience, the struggle with understanding religion and love, especially how they clash and intertwine. It's beautiful, but more importantly, heartfelt. And on a quick editing note, the repetition definitely works :), but I'm not sure how I feel about the metaphor of a father leaving his child. Aren't you the child, at least for the purposes of this poem, and aren't you the one who has left? It's more confusing than clarifying in this context, for me. Maybe find another comparison to draw?


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