I wonder if
this crushing sadness would
ever flow away without leaving me
exhausted, bruised, battered
with blood trickling
down from the multiple orifices
till my knees go weak and
I'm tired of stopping the fluid
flowing from the lacerated
skin and maybe that's when
You'll walk in and save me but
then again maybe you they'll find me before
you do and you’ll blame yourself and
maybe there'll be tears and flowers
or maybe there'll be nobody near the
forgotten ashes or in the lumps under
the ground until I am a name mentioned somewhere
by someone without feeling or emotion
I wonder if
You'll remember me, if they will
If I will be missed, if they would
realize why I did what I did. If
they would understand that this crushing
darkness enveloped me before I could fight
it off, because I was weak and it
was not but I know you understand as
I hope you understand it was not
Your fault. You never could have saved
me for I was already
drowning, falling, disappearing
and though you always had hope
I was lost from the very beginning
I wonder if
they'll see the lacerated skin
on my wrist and not
blame him but know that I
was drawn to the light
that I was walking towards
me, too far, too close and
I could see the darkness going
away and I was finally numb
and I felt no pain, please tell
them, I didn't and it wasn't
his fault and it wasn't yours
either but now the darkness is
coming back and yet it's not
dark, it's beautiful like you were,
like you are and I think it's
calling me....I must go, I must..
Tell them I said goodbye.