I think of how things would be if he wasn't apart of my life. As any girl, in love with a guy. This image only leads me on a one way ticket to depression. I think of how things would get better after a while, but even if it isn't put into play. I still don't have a strategy for how i would get over the bad parts, so I’m scared. I’m scared because I've always made plans for my future. Never soaking in the present, just waiting for the brightness of the future that I have planned for me. To run, and jump into my arms and never let me go. Oh future, you make me the happiest girl alive. But then there is reality, running and jumping into my arms. Just to slap me in the face, with a brick. I let myself fall in love, with someone who will never understand my worth. Which has led me to question myself.  I think I deserve more, but I keep expecting the future to do my dirty work. I think I’m too dependent on my future. He says that he loves me still, but I know that’s him just skirting around the issue. I never felt so bitter, I keep telling myself things will work out. So, I also skirt around the issue. He will never understand why I fell so hard for him, maybe he doesn’t want to think about it. But it had something to do with the way he excited me, the way he looked at me. He made me feel important. I wanted to be his world, and I probably was at one point. But all fairytales must come to an end. Because 1, I dont have the money to afford an author and 2, most fairytales have happy endings. I know he doesn’t love me anymore, but I wish he wouldn't say he does. I wish he would give me reasons to hate him. Falling in love is easy, but falling out takes time. Time that seems to never pass, knowing that every second. Is just one more second closer to telling him goodbye, for good. Everything is just surreal, I always imagined that it wouldn't be so hard. I probably knew it, insisting I’d be strong enough to let go. Maybe I should just take tips from him, he is a real expert at letting go. But those eyes, draw me again once more. So I write another apology letter to my brain, because my heart will never accept advice from the man that swore to never hurt me. He is also good at that, he is a grade A professional. He will always be that guy that never gave me the chance to say no. Never gave me that chance to have a voice. That guy who made me fall in love with a dried up sorry excuse of a person. One day, I'm going to forget about him. Say I’m wishing upon stars all you want. But I will be someone, and some day someone will love me for me. I hope one day, I can love them like you never loved me.