This is all wrong.
This is not where I’m supposed to be at this point in my life.
I’m supposed to be carefree and young.
Things are not supposed to be this complicated.
I’m not supposed to have to deal with all of this.
I’m not supposed to feel so hopeless and lost.
I’m not supposed to feel like I’ve failed.
But I do.

I feel like I’ve failed in life.
And I’m only 19.
I screwed up so bad with school.

I shouldn’t have to deal with my dad taking my mom to court.
I shouldn’t have to deal with him not realizing that it affects me.
But it does.
It’s me who this stresses out.
It’s me who’s being called a liar and has to prove that I’m attending classes.
It’s be who’s be betrayed.
He shouldn’t be so selfish.
But he is.
I’m supposed to be able to count on him.
I’m supposed to be able to trust him.
But I can’t.

I shouldn’t have to stop myself from liking my dad’s fiancé because I know he’ll cheat on her.
She shouldn’t make it so easy.
I shouldn’t have to distance myself.
But I do.
My brother should talk to me.
But he doesn’t.
My sister should realize I didn’t do anything wrong.
But she doesn’t.
They should still treat me like their little sister.
But they don’t.

I shouldn’t live in a world where people try so hard to be different just for the sake of being different.
I shouldn’t live in a world where everyone has a label.
I shouldn’t live in a world that I have to fight to understand.
But I do.

I should want to be with someone.
And have that be enough.
I shouldn’t have to try so hard to understand them.
I shouldn’t have to hold myself back.
I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells.
But I do.

I should be happy.
But I’m not.
I should feel loved.
But I don’t.
I shouldn’t feel so worthless.
But I do.

I shouldn’t have to remind myself all the time that it might get better.
I shouldn’t have to search for a reason to keep going.
But I do.
I should believe that things will get better.
But I don’t.
Things should be better now.
But they aren’t.

I shouldn’t have made so many mistakes.
But I did.
I should have died the last time.