Shouldn’t be Here

I bear nothing, but have witnessed it all
Although I blend in on the outside
what is inside is
never
ending torture

Who knew that one battle would last a
lifetime
A lifetime of guilt and wondering
wondering why I am
here
I’m part wood with hardly a feeling

I shouldn’t be here
I should’ve died over there
The pain and suffering are real
I’m no hero
I just tried not to get shot
I’m just a beaten down
reck

The real heros died over there
in those hellholes of islands
Island decorated with
limbs and shrapnel
Beaches made of blood and
sorrow
The darkness and deathlike
caves
haunt me yet

It was war

Memories
Memories last a lifetime
Memories that are bad
Memories that formulate into nightmares

Don’t get me wrong
there were some good
memories

I had my
closest
best buddies in the war
But the bad
memories overlap the good
memories

There is not a day that goes by where I don’t
remember those friends
They went through hell with me
They didn’t deserve to die
Guys like
Tex, Johnson, Slack jaw Willy, Ronnie, Tommy, Barrelnutz……..
The list goes on and on

I shouldn’t be here
I guess those
memories will
haunt me
forever
I’d like to think the God put me down here for a reason
But I haven’t found that reason yet.

The Beginning  
Growing up was not easy
We worked until we all were queasy
We meaning my brothers and
I
Trying to make a living off of the farm
And we were poor without a charm
Sweat and bleed on a daily basis
Times were tough
let me tell you
The land was rough
with hardly a value

The time was winter of ‘40
Crops were out and without a doubt
onto a project to fix the drought
Minus my eldest brother
Stan
Off to the Navy that young
man
was
To see the world and send home some
cash

Mother worried and had bad dreams of losing
stan
We are on the ridge of war
Just as times are rough out here
miles from shore
Sacrifices had to be made
There was no time to lay around in the
shade

‘Twas The worst of Days
‘Twas the worst of days
One morning Mothers
Nightmare
Came to life
The date was the 7th of December
of ‘41
The Harbor
was bombed
by the godless force of
japan
Japan was
unexpectedly
deadly and
devastated the land

We heard nothing of
Stan
Until
two weeks after the attack
He had lost his life
Anger and
sorrow filled my heart
‘Twas the worst of days

Signed My Life Away
Just that Day
I signed my Life away
To Uncle Sam
to shoot a gun that went bam
To the marine corps
I
signed my life away
They were the best of the
                        best
The corpse was
the
                        best
way to kill the
enemy……..or
to be               killed
I signed my
life away

Train to Training
I parted for training on January 1st
The snow descended from the sky
just as tears rolled off my mothers
eye
She didn’t want to lose another
I mouthed that i’d be fine and
keep god cover

One a train to training
camp
There was rain
although not damp
Rain in my mind as I
weeped in
my soul

I arrived to boot camp in Cali
Knowing nobody was tough
Training was rough, and I don’t bluff
I could shoot straight
Though I doubt at humans
I shoot deer
            turkey
           snakes
and
           ducks
But to take a man’s life away
seemed real stray

I beamed red as sergeants
Screamed and his
breath smelled of rotten bread
Sergeant showed me how to
Swim, Stab, Scratch, Shoot, Whip, Kick
and
stick a man with a bayonet

The days were slow
but weeks being fast
Soon my training will no longer
last
They will ship me out to fight this
war

Guadalcanal
7 August
‘42
Rise and shine Ronnie bellowed
As if I hadn’t heard the cannons roar from up above the deck
We land
Today
I’m glad depart the ship
But scared to fire my clip
Weeks and weeks on this ship
Seasick is an enemy
an enemy I can’t fight back

Guadalcanal
is what Ronnie had heard
We leave in just hours
I felt fearful but wanted revenge
My brother is still dead and there’s nothing to change that
But revenge is what I will thrive off
That is if I get any

The Last Supper?
Before we hit the beach
the Navy gave us a real peach
A wonderful morning dish

Eggs
Toast
Fruit, Ham, Bacon
could be
the last
supper
for
me

But I prayed to god it wasn’t

First Rush?
First rush off the beach
All I could here was a loud screech of the cannons
Ronnie to my left
Tex to my right
Black clouds of smoke
was all that’s in sight
Oh boy was it a fright
We hit the beach
departed the Navy Higgons boat

Silence
no sign of enemy
Move out said Captain Nantuckit
Into the jungle we thrive
No bullets flying
and i’m not lying
My first rush will have to wait

First Rush
Emerging through the thicket
with only the sound of a cricket
Our enemy so far was
heat, thirst, and hunger
Some things that a Japanese soldier
can  be bolder without

It’s been two weeks since we landed
No sign of enemy
Until
our night at Alligator Creek

‘Twas night time when the bullets started to fly
The smell of blood was in the air
I could taste the gun powder and it was a scare
Men falling left and right
The sound of a grown man screaming out of pure
scaredness
really touched my soul in a bad way

Ten minutes in
I had made a sin
I hadn’t fire the carbine until
Johnson got hit
He got hit bad and I was pissed
Then I fired
I fired a lot and I killed a lot
I was good at it
I did a lot of damage that day
That’s why they called me
Wild Jack Flash

On the Advance
One the advance
We are taking a chance
Our work is done at alligator creek
But I'd begun to feel a heartache sneak
I killed
men
here
Jesus, they weren't even
men
Don't think about it says Ronnie
The killed Johnson
it had to be done

Night was a
bear
Just waiting to kill in a
fox
hole
Up all night without a sight
Ready to
fight
But there was some
light
out on the coast
The Navy was having a terrible night
A water war is taking place
A fight to see who gets the space
in this god forsaken place
to help finish the race

Firefight
Morning had come soon enough
On the move to go shoot some stuff
To make a firefight
It wasn't three hours
We had encountered the worst of sours
All hell broke loose

Our front line was blown to bits
Screams of agony were filling the mount
A mount of empty
lifeless
bodies that just kept growing

Call the retreat I think
No retreated sounded
We were outnumbered
out thought
And we just got shot up

Where is Ronnie?
Where's Tommy?
Tex? Red? Williams?
Anyone?
The last thing I remember was an enemy grenade
Hit my leg
as I kicked it away
almost
in time

A part of me was missing
physically
emotionally
and mentally
I couldn't think straight
I couldn't cry or yell
I couldn't feel something
Could I still walk?
If only I could

My left leg was gone
I woke up in a marine
base hospital
I couldn’t believe what I saw
Or what I didn’t see
My leg was gone
No more fighting
No more farming
No more fishing

Present Day
It is present day
Once again
I mentioned earlier
I am part wood with hardly a feeling
This is no metaphor I have a wooden leg
A wooden leg that’s been dragging me down
Showing me what it is like to feel down
Down
That is how I feel

What I have seen
What I have done
It is nothing to be proud of
Im no hero
Im just a wooden fool