What is happening to me…?
Why am I like this?
They only get deeper…
One more I say to myself every time…
But it’s never one more…
1
2
3
4
Stop please…. you’re getting deeper…
5
6
7
8
The blood is flowing faster and faster…
9
10
Deep breathes.
I want to stop but I can’t
What is wrong with me!
My brain tells me stop, but my hands keep going because the voices tell me too…
The voice always says things like:
No one cares.
Do it more it makes you feel better.
You deserve this, just like the beatings you got as a kid, just like the laughing and the torture at school.
You’re worthless.
Just a couple more.
It feels nice doesn't it?
As I look down at my arms I can see my arm covered with red, covered with pain and disappointment…
The feelings after you do it are not as good as when you're doing it.
When you're in the state of mind you can't stop, it feels good, you go numb and feel no pain...
But after…. you fell the worst… knowing the people you are affecting, know that one day you might go to deep, knowing that the scars are getting more and more noticeable each day.
Cutting is not for attention
It’s a cry for help.
When words can’t describe your pain, the last hope is the blade.
When you’re out of tears, your arms cry out for you.
This is an addiction…
An addiction of pain…
But one day…
You could go to deep… cut too much, and end up in the hospital…
End up with your secret out…
The cries of you close family and friends begging you to stop…
But that voice says don't listen… they don't know…. in the only one that can help you get through this.
The nights I lay there in bed are the worst because when I lay there all the thoughts come from throughout the day…. always the bad thoughts…. never good. Why do I think like this…?
Why me…
I have never done anything wrong.
There are murderers and rapist out there and then there’s me…one of the rape victims one of the almost killed ones… one of the abused ones….
14 years of hell and still going strong….