As I stare into the mirror endlessly I realize this naive and shrewd girl isn’t me.
I am not as profound or penetrating as they tell me I am.
I am not as strong or impregnable as you believe.
I am not very conscientious and I am definitely reckless.
But I also realize that I’ve lost myself.
First I step back and turn the water cold.
I can’t show how weak I am.
I took my break from being the shoulder and used my 10.
Now I have to build myself up again. 
As the water surges out I proceed to stare.
This is not me.
This is not who I am.
The fight I put into my life the plans I have,
I can’t just ruin them because I feel disintegrated.
My heart is burning like the fire of 9/11 but I will stay strong and prove my worthiness.
For them.
I didn’t realize how loved I was until I shattered the hearts of my prized and idolded.
Now it’s too late.
I already made the mistake.
Now I have to fix it.
The steps I take and the pain I may endure will all be worth keeping my promise and being able to say I did so.
Being capable of saying that I flipped my life upside down and was able to make it stand straight again will be astounding. 
I want to be that strong.
And I will be.
Because I know that we all search for who we are. But I wonder, can we really find that until we lose ourself?
Can we really show that we know who we are until we don’t?
This is when I smile.
Don’t ask if it’s fake or real because when I use my next 10, I won’t be lost.
I will be the profound, penetrating, strong, impregnable and shrewd girl you always knew I was.
The one that has a good time and makes the right descision.
The one that never thinks twice or looks back.
The one that knows she is beautiful and still loves others as much as she does herself.
The one that is amazing.

That is who I am.