In the morning,
I woke up and felt
a lock of brunette pressed to my cheek.
But it was not yours
So I curled into myself
until
daylight called me out of
dreaming.

I splay your fantasies
like webs across my fingers
and run them through
my hair,
hoping they entangle
with my brain
and make me
scream into the mystic.

I’ve never wanted anyone
so badly.

You are hot metal,
you are wine.
I breathe your touch
I grapple at truth
I burn at a glance
I always look back.

I always look back.

And you...
You move through my waters
so effortlessly--
like oil.
You are distinct,
you are separate from all the rest
And
I cannot make you meld into me
cannot make you stay here
as a part of me
cannot make you cry.
You will never be so
dependent
as to
stare into the sky
and wait for my blessing
to come and resurrect you
from your grief.

I want to hurt you,
I want to hate you.

But every time I say that I am strong
I turn around
And there you are
And I become rubble
again.

But it’s okay.

I’m fine,
I will always be
just fine.

And you’ll continue to be
All the things that kill me
and,
at the same time,
all the things that give me life
and love.

I will keep casting light
onto your eyes
So that you may be blinded by
a beauty I possess
only for you.

I will keep smiling as I cry
I will keep feeling my heart hurt for you
And keep
reaching out my hands to you--
Giving everything,
feeling blank open spaces in return.