I'd be lying if I said that

I can't formulate words today

Due to my lack of energy,

For I am no plant and can't merely photosynthesize.

I'd also be lying if I decided to 

Blame my stuttering speech

On my lack of liquid courage,

For coffee may supply caffeine, but it doesn't supply social skills.

Do you want the truth or the lie?

You see, I cannot speak

Because when my heart starts drumming too loudly,

My brain cannot march to its beat.

I think one thing and say another.

If doctors prescribe drugs for this bipolar disorder of mine,

Would they be able to medicate my heart

Into feeling numb towards you

And my brain into a euphoric ignorance of your presence?

No, they couldn't.

Because even drugged up,

My lips would still shape the letters of your name,

Slurred, raspy syllables colliding into each other

Like a slow, beautiful train wreck,

Wreaking havoc on the railroad to my heart

And screeching to a halt only when the damage has been done.

You were the sole survivor.

Even I, the engineer to my own train,

Could not escape the onslaught

Of pent-up emotions,

Setting off sparks of dormant endorphins,

Chemically inducing my heart to beat against its will,

Breaking down the molecules of defense,

Assaulting my heart in multiple trials to

Acquire significant data to prove that

Yes, I still love you.

Sometimes I wish you didn't exist.

But then, what would I live for?