Sleepless Nights | Teen Ink

Sleepless Nights

October 15, 2014
By Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a river that no longer flows" - a friend
"when the people lead, leaders follow" - Gandhi

Once again, my mind is racing.

Trying hard to compute.
Does she like me or does she not?
No, she does not.

Once again, my heart is screaming.
Trying to keep me awake.
Will I finish before the deadline.
Nope, it's already hopeless.

Once again, my fingers are cold.
I'll hold my own hand.
I'll guide my own self.
To my doom.

I can't stop thinking.
I like Janelle. I said it.
I'm addicted to lying, I said it.
I'm worthless, I said it.
It doesn't matter, just forget it.

I can't help it when my heart twists and turns in pain.
It won't listen when I tell it that there is nothing to be afraid of.
I like being depressed. My favorite whether is the rain.
What's the point of trying to make it stop.

Sure, maybe I am blind.
Unable to see the future,
I'm scared.
But I'm my own guide,
Alone in my little world,
I'm scared.

I'm such a failure.
I'm only slightly above average.
Not good enough.

Once again my mind is racing.
Unable to formulate proper thoughts.
Once again my heart is beating,
Unable to feet anything but distraught.
Once again, my fingers are cold on a sizzling hot day.
I just wanna hold you hand Janelle, stop pushing me away.
I just wanna tell you things and tease you every night.
I just wanna tell you that I think you're beautiful.
I just wanna disable all my accounts and start a new life.
I just wanna get rid of the old and get rid of myself.
I just wanna... Stop being part of this world.
I don't feel like I belong.
Same old routine,
Like hitting repeat on an annoying song.
I just want to sleep.
And never wake up.
I want to be buried deep.
It will never be enough.
I just want to belong.
Life is treating me rough.
I want to pick a new song,
To listen to.

Once again, my mind is racing.
To the wall I'm facing.
Making friends with the shadows.
Getting ready for the gallows.
And I don't want to fight it.
I'll go as soon as the rope is knotted.
Let this body rot away,
Alone and forgotten.
I just want to belong in your world. In your life. In my world. In my life. In a world. In a life. Nothing left untold. Blood dripping from the knife. I just want to belong.

Once again... I'm having a sleepless night.
Nothing will ever be alright.
Nothing will end my fight.
Nothing will bring me light.

Why are you just out of reach,
It's torture just having you in sight.
Come a little closer.
Help keep my fingers warm.
Help keep the sorrows at bay,
Help me dig my own grave.
Death scares me less than you do.

Once again, I'm having a sleepless night.
I just want to sleep for ever.
Away from having to explain myself.
Because my mind is running, and I can't compute my thought. I can't comprehend not feeling sad.

The author's comments:

I don't know what to include. I fell in love. I fell face first onto concrete. I hurt. I am willing to love again.

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This article has 4 comments.

on Oct. 27 2014 at 10:56 am
TrishDestiny PLATINUM, Jerantut , Pahang, Other
45 articles 2 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
“When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.”

This is an amazing work indeed . I love the emotion you etch on this one - I bet we readers are able to see the brunts of it. You should keep sending works on TI.

on Oct. 26 2014 at 2:22 pm
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a river that no longer flows" - a friend
"when the people lead, leaders follow" - Gandhi

lol, i hadn't even realized this got published already. teenink stopped sending me notification... do you know how i can fix that? 

on Oct. 20 2014 at 12:00 pm
authoress17 SILVER, Evans City, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If there is no such thing as magic...then what is writing?."-authoress17 (me)

Great work. This really showed your struggle with many emotions and how you faced them.

on Oct. 19 2014 at 6:52 pm
haley101 DIAMOND, Windsor, Connecticut
70 articles 5 photos 195 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

― Mary Oliver

Three words: I told you. And more to add: You shouldn't be afraid to express what matters.