It was her guilty pleasure.
She told not a soul,
But would just sit alone
Silently losing it,
With the lights turned off,.
She loves it though.
The darkness, like a comforting blanket,
Securing her sanity.
And the control it gave her,
She basked in it,
Reveled in having the upper hand on fate.
The others though,
They wouldn't understand,
Can't comprehend the addiction.
The anticipation was burning inside her,
Craving a release.
She smiled oh, so slowly,
The only sign of guilt, being a twitch in expression
As it flowed in
Glorious red rivers
Staining the pure white,
Forever tainting them.
It came to a thrilling end
As the dam was placed with precision,
When all of the emotions finally escaped confinement.
She continues with this release,
Day after day,
Finally finding an expressive outlet,
But when someone gets a glimpse
Behind the carefully placed mask,
They become lost,
Almost as much as she is.
They have her visit professionals
To stop the unbecoming behavior,
And, after awhile,
She seems normal again.
It's only when this happens
That her brain malfunctions,
But she knows now how to hide it well.
The facade is flawless,
But...
When alone...
The nasty side reappears
Making her slip further down,
So deep into an abyss that she seeks help
From a pill bottle.
Which only succeeds
In a visit to a sterilized room.
But after time passes the wounds begin to seal shut.
She starts to act like her old self.
And most days,
She's all smiles.
But there's always that voice,
The one that whispers she's a worthless,
Selfish person who only hurts others,
But it's so deep in her mind,
The sound a piano volume.
It's only when added to the dreary days,
When she refuses to leave
Her cocoon of sheets
When the tunnel becomes
An endless path of darkness,
When she she refuses to speak,
So caught up in her subconscious
That the sadness takes over
That the pills that promised to help,
Are seemingly useless.
And that frightens her,
But she's graduated from her naïve state,
For she now accepts life for what it is,
For the not so fabulous hand she was dealt,
This dark disease is part of her,
And while she may never fully come over it,
she will die trying to.
Because she knows that the real monsters
Only live inside her head.