The Idle "Help" | Teen Ink

The Idle "Help"

May 13, 2014
By mxckingbird SILVER, Missouri City, Texas
mxckingbird SILVER, Missouri City, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water." -Charles Bukowski

Roll up her sleeves
And check her wrists
She pleads to leave
Without resist
This God damned place
To end the pain
And just erase
The moon in wain
She is that moon
With half hidden
Darker than noon
Same half ridden
Of small white lies
Though not too small

Reveal her thighs
A desperate call
For mere savior
Is clearly seen
Red ink gravures
Covered by jeans
The cry was heard
By only one
Who in turn cured
Her endless run
From all the hurt
And lasting ache
Now to be curt
He closed the break

Inside her soul
Ceased all her tears
And made her whole
With no more fears
For just a bit
Who might he be?
This perfect fit
Who set her free
But with false hopes
Of joy, somewhat
Much like to trope
Not drink, but cut
With right intent
But a wrong sense
To death he sent
A poor girl hence

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This article has 6 comments.

on Oct. 17 2014 at 12:58 pm
Dante_Aleman GOLD, Torrington, Wyoming
12 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Just do you and let the rest blow past you

Great poem! Very powerful and the fact that you are able to make the words prractically roll off the tounge is outstanding! keep writing!

on Sep. 28 2014 at 9:54 pm
Creative-Writer BRONZE, Mesa, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
We know what we are, but know not what we may be. -William Shakespeare

OMG!!!  you totally caught me, and made it hard to stop reading.  this poem is Amazingly good!!  there were only a few mistakes I saw, but it's no biggie.  I Shouldn't wander that this is one of the best poem's I ever read!! You did such a good job! you have a talent that should never be wasted.  

on Sep. 22 2014 at 6:37 pm
AutumnMoon BRONZE, Lebanon, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us." -Cassandra Clare

I really liked this poem. It has a lot pain in it, which is good because emotions always make poems more relatable to the reader. Great job! 5/5

on Sep. 22 2014 at 4:33 am
Extraterrestrial SILVER, Singapore, Other
9 articles 4 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it's a plan!"

Oh, wow. This is such a wonderful piece. I had to read it multiple times to fully take in and appreciate the sheer emotion and imagery you used (and that's a good thing!). You've only a few technical mistakes, for example, it's supposed to be "The moon in wane." "She pleads to leave without resist" also doesn't make sense, I believe; it could be "without resisting" instead. However, that would disrupt the rhythm of the poem... and such good rhythm you have, too! It's a very steady beat with rhymes that flow naturally. It could almost be a song (I'm biased, I love rhyme and rhythm). Anyway, you truly have a knack for choice of diction and painting descriptions for the reader. Well done!

on Sep. 21 2014 at 10:07 pm
mxckingbird SILVER, Missouri City, Texas
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water." -Charles Bukowski

You actually have no idea how happy your comment made me, thank you so much :)

on Jul. 13 2014 at 11:06 pm
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
325 articles 10 photos 1165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,
More real than solid earth;
And to these death does not mean decay,
But only another birth"
- Isabella Banks

This is one of the most relatable, awe rendering, beautifully written  poems I have ever read! It was so powerful, it flowed like a waterfall of words, and ahh. I just loved it! I actually added to my favorites! Pleaase keep writing, your work is inspiring. :)